DEAR EKE: Can I be your personal assistant?

EKE SAY:  Yes.  Eke much need person to serve needs of Eke at all times now.  In country of Malaysia people look up to Eke because Eke is great writer in American Magazine Derf.  Eke very busy meeting people to show them how to also become great person like Eke.  Assistant must follow Eke at all times to help Eke while Eke meet with other peoples.  Whenever Eke ask for something assistant must say "Yes my great beloved Eke."  This show people on Malaysia that Eke have power.

First duty of assistant every morning is to clean Eke skin every day on whole body.  Eke lay naked and assistant must scrub Eke skin with fresh chicken meat.  This help Eke absorb warrior spirit of chicken.  In country of Malaysia chicken represent great fighting creature.  Also chicken help make best soup in Malaysia. 

Other duty of assistant is eating Eke food before Eke eat to test for poison.  Eke have many wives that may kill Eke with poison because Eke may not bring enough chickens home.  If Eke give more chickens to one wife than another, other wife may put poison in Eke soup.  Some poison Eke used to.  But other new poison assistant must eat first. 

Next duty of assistant is to lie down on ground so Eke have place to sit.  Eke too important to sit on ground.  Eke must sit on assistant.  Eke friends must also be able to sit on assistant.  Eke may say to friends, "Dear friend of Eke, please rest by sitting on my assistant."

Assistant must never complain or Eke will send assistant to Malaysia work camp.  Assistant will work fingers to bone at work camp.  When assistant released from work camp Eke hope assistant learned lesson about complaining.