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Wednesday, July 30th - 11:30 AM-11:00 PM

Burger night! @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

Friday, Aug 1 - 5:30PM-9:00PM

The Oak Tavern, $10 for 10 Beers -OR- 7 Cocktails!
ADVICE IN BROKEN ENGLISH
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  • Eke Onguaunke home
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Dear Eke: It is almost time for spring cleaning, do you have any tips on how to make my home shine?

EKE SAY: Yes Eke show you shine now. Eke even have shiny buttock. But Eke not show you shiny buttock, just talk about it. Showing buttock very disrespectful unless you show doctor or sweet love friend.

In Malaysia, we donít have spring. We have four seasons: hot, not so very hot, a little bit hot, and hot-hot. Malaysian housewife people do the clean time all the time, no just in the hot or not so very hot, a little bit hot or hot-hot season. They gonna sweat anyway.

When you clean house real good, you need to start by make a clean up plan. Eke always good at make plan, then one wife take half plan and do it and other wives take rest of plan and clean. First wife best cleaner. Third wife messy but make Eke happy than clean wife.

You start clean house by take chicken outside and squirt with garden hose. Chicken no like garden hose, so must make sure you sprinkle chicken quick. Make sure chicken nose is down when you squirt or they drown. Eke one time say chicken should get squirt with hose and then cover with soap. Then soapy chicken can come back in house, run around house mad with being wet and soapy, and when they run...they clean everything like a soapy chicken sponge. Problem though - wet soapy chicken get excited and make bathroom mess while they supposed to clean. Just like third wife.

The rooms that is hard to clean most are kitchen room and potty room. They get messy most with cooking and bathrooming. You make sure scrub them real good so you can eat off floor. After cleaning time we go sit on floor and eat dog stew. We do that in kitchen and bathroom both.

Some place easy to clean like when floor is dirty, you just make dirt floor. Bring in more dirt from outside and make the floor a place to plant seeds and dig. Soft soil feel good on feet, like very thick luxury rug. You walk barefoot on that dirt floor and it make your back feel nice, not like concrete or tile or carpet berber.

Sometime you have too much stuff and house too big that it make hard clean time. That happen and you need sale of things you not need. You put ad in paper or put up sign or you tell idiot in village to run and tell everybody to come to house and buy your things. You sell old clothes that ugly or too small and furniture you not use and you sell eight track music record made by Dan Fogelberg.

Hope you make happy clean time! Hope you invite Eke over to eat stew on your bath mat and let third wife get soapy and we watch her run round like crazy chicken!