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Saturday, June 23rd - 7:30 AM-12:00 AM

Hyde Park Blast @ Hyde Park Square

DERF Happy Hour

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Dear Eke: Do you have any Spring Break suggestions?

EKE SAY:  Eke love spring!  Eke love springtime in Malaysia, that when cold, cold temperature of mid 90’s go away and warmer temperatures of high 90’s come.  It make time to put away heavy t-shirt and loin cloth and bring out light t-shirt and loin cloth.  Also time to let chicken go back outside house after you keep in house to make sure it not catch chicken cold in chilly temperature.

Spring break in Malaysia mean different thing.  That when we break neck of spring chicken.  Spring chicken think they so cool, but then we come and we break neck and have big spring chicken neck break festival.  Eke’s Uncle Katke win spring chicken neck break festival!  He king of festival after he break eight chicken neck in one hand at same time, while other hand hold his baby.  Uncle Katke’s baby grow up some day and be chicken neck breaking king just like his Daddy!  Everyone think so!!!

America spring break different.  You spring break for students that want make drunk sex time before they get kicked out of school in several months.  You put on bathing clothes suit and lay on beach and drink too many drink and get red in sun like lobster.  You go to bar and meet student from other school you never had chance to meet and make fool of self in front of them.  It good to act like fool in front of different people than people you usually do.

So you excited make spring break time with students in bathing clothes?  That what Eke think you should do.  You get in van with seven other people and you drive someplace warmer than where you are now. Then you put on tiny clothes.  Then you drink alcoholic beverage and yell really loud.  Then you wait for man in van to come by and he make film of you when you take off your top and then they sell that tape on late night television because you gone wild.  Then Eke friends make bootleg copy of tapes and send to America to sell for cheaper than late night TV sell.  Everybody win!

You need to make self ready for spring break.  You get self in good bathing clothes shape.  You eat only good food and make exercise motion to tone self.  You tell parents you going to build houses for poor people so parents give you money for trip. 

When you get to spring breaking place, you stay in hotel room with many other people.  There so many other people you have to sleep on floor.  Floor of dirty hotel room have many germs, but that good.  Germs on hotel room floor make you ready for germs you about to catch from other dirty spring break people you about to kiss.  This trip good because it make you immune system strong.

You need strong health because you might be in spring break contest.  You might be in contest to see who can drink beer with fast speed.   You might be in contest where people judge you on your looks after you get water on your undershirt.  You win that contest and it better than you graduate from college!