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Monogamy is on life support. Get used to it.

Biologists have studied human monogamy for decades.  Studies show it is very difficult for humans to accomplish. Obviously it is not impossible but it is very difficult.  Some would argue if it is so difficult then maybe humans are not meant to experience it. 

It is hard for most women to imagine having expectations so low that they expect their spouse to cheat on them.  But clearly an expectation of cheating is much closer to reality than the expecting a lifelong faithful partner.  Perhaps framing infidelity as an inevitable fact of life for young women will more accurately align them with how nature intended life to be.  Why not instill young girls with a healthy realistic perspective rather than set them up for multiple romantic heartbreaks throughout their life.

I dated a man a few years ago who, after a few months of dating, said he loved me but warned me that at some point he would likely cheat on me.  He said he understood if I no longer wanted to see him but he wanted to be honest about and let me decide now versus being heartbroken later.  I was somewhat shocked initially.  He went through a brief explanation of men and monogamy and said he felt strongly that he could not fight mother nature in that part of his life.  He was also honest in saying he had never had a monogamous relationship up that point.  An excellent point he made that has stuck with me since then is that 95% of men will cheat and lie about it but he would have external relationships ad be honest about it.  He clearly understood most women would knowingly choose to be deceived rather than give consent to infidelity. 

I ended that relationship shortly after that but I learned a lot more about monogamy following that interaction.  It is a fact that men enjoy a variety of sexual partners.  In confidential surveys, virtually all men say the more partners the better.  Also a common theme among male surveys is that attraction diminishes merely with time.  Even the perfect women, with the perfect figure, and perfect personality naturally becomes less attractive to the man in time.  Simply learning to accept this at an early age would get all od us on a much healthier track regarding our expectations. 

Biologists say physically and emotionally men are instinctively programmed to seek new mating candidates.  Men have a virtually unlimited sperm supply.  They do not have to conserve sperm the way females produce a limited number of eggs in their lifetime and have to conserve them for suitable candidates only.  Men also don’t have to expend resources on being pregnant, giving birth, and nursing offspring.

So with this understanding, why not re-evaluate how we portray relationships to young girls?  From a young age, girls are taught to expect to find a man to make a lifelong commitment to them.  But the truth is nature ensures 95% of men are not capable of delivering on this commitment.  Almost all men cheat and don’t get caught, cheat and get caught, or simply leave for another women.  It sounds terrible to us only because we are taught not to expect this. 

So can monogamy work for humans?  If I had to predict I would say no.  Monogamy is in the midst of a serious collapse.  Society is not ready to do away with it quite yet but at some point in the not too distant future I would say polygamous values will begin to experience a much higher profile.  Mother nature is slowly winning her battle and societies everywhere will have to surrender.  For now, we can all benefit from the simple understanding that men who cheat aren’t evil.  They are creatures acting on the impulses of millions of years of evolution. 

Don’t take it personally girls.  Your man leaving you is as much a part of nature as the springtime blooming of the roses in your backyard.

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