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Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Wednesday, April 25th - 6:30 PM-8:30 PM

Wild About Wine @ Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!


Hey Cows, Why make the farmer buy you when youíre getting lots of free cow food?

You have to admit cows, you’ve got a pretty good thing going right now.  Sure you’re giving away free milk but look what you’re getting in return.  Free cow food!  That’s pretty good isn’t it? 

Look at it this way - the milk doesn’t cost you anything right?  Your body produces it naturally so why not give it way to get something of equal value in return?  The biggest mistake we cows make is to start thinking the milk is worth much more than that.  Asking the farmer for some sort of permanent legal and financial commitment just because you’re giving him some milk is not realistic.  Plus the process of giving away the milk feels good doesn’t it? 

But it is okay to ask for several other things in return for the milk.  Demand delicious cow food for starters.  You should get cow food pretty much every night of the week but ask for the extra nice cow food on Friday and Saturday nights.  And anytime a new place opens that offers delicious cow food, make sure the farmer makes reservations there.  Also don’t forget to get an unlimited amount delicious cow drinks and lots of ‘em! 

What else does a nice milk-giving cow deserve from the farmer?  How about great cow outfits and jewelry to show off to the other cows?  How about a wonderful cow apartment?  Maybe a lovely little cow car?

If the farmer starts to get a little cheap with all the cow trappings, then it’s okay to withhold the milk for a while.  Or of course you can always find another farmer. 

Speaking of other farmers, don’t forget we cows can produce pretty much an unlimited amount of milk so you can give it away to three or four farmers at a time if you like.  Just don’t let anyone know you have several farmers in your milk distribution network or you’ll get a rep as a loose cow.

By the way, watch out for the few farmers out there that are lactose intolerant.  They prefer other farmers.  You have nothing of value to offer them so when you find one, move on to a farmer who loves milk. 

So there is no need to focus so intently on forcing your farmer on making that permanent legal and financial commitment.  Be generous with your milk and enjoy lots of other benefits instead.  There are lots of farmers out there and most of them are willing to give you a lot of great perks for your milk!