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The Boyfriend Scorecard: How does your guy score?

By Katie Michaels, DERF Magazine Relationship Blogger - New blog every Wednesday.
[Talk with Katie on the Derf Message Boards]

Throughout our lives we use numerical scoring systems.  At work our performance is often measured on a numerical scale.  Our bank accounts, investments, and home values are all monitored and evaluated numerically.  Our exercise progress is often measured in numerical reps, times, weight, etc.  Maybe our relationships can also use a little numerical evaluation.  We certainly shouldn't over emphasize the value of numerical versus intuitive evaluation but I believe every once in a while we can get a little extra perspective about our relationships from the numbers. 

I am going to share here what I call the Boyfriend Scorecard.  I developed this a few years ago and have received enough feedback on it that it has allowed me to calibrate a scoring scale for you.  So you have the benefit of getting a sense of where your boyfriend stacks up to other boyfriends.    I have a few other scorecards such as the Relationship Scorecard and the Girlfriend Scorecard which I plan to share in future blogs.  

The best way to use this scorecard is as follows:
1. Fill it out as honestly as possible
2. Nicely ask your boyfriend to fill out to evaluate himself.
3. Review the results in a nonthreatening manner with your boyfriend
4. Agree on items of improvement.  If he suggests items of improvement for you, discuss them openly and agree to work on them.

Keep in mind the scorecard is condensed to judge primarily the areas I have determined are the biggest trouble spots women experience with their boyfriends.  There are countless other areas we could explore but we have to keep this manageable.  This scorecard was also designed with the assumption your boyfriend has never exhibited any behaviors such as domestic violence, substance abuse, or other criminal or self-destructive behaviors.  If you are coping with any of these issues, my scorecard cannot help you.  You need to seek advice from a legal authority or psychological professional.   

Here it is.  Answer as honestly as possible. If you are angry about a recent issue, wait until you calm down before letting your intense emotions influence your scores.

Score each area from 1 to 5
   1 = Terrible - Your boyfriend has no aptitude or positive exhibited behavior in this area.
   5 = Excellent - You are very happy with your boyfriend this area.

Communication Scores
____  Clarity:  His ability and willingness to effectively communicate how he is feeling.
____  Empathy:  His ability and willingness to understand how you are feeling.
­____  Did he grow up with one or more sisters within 5 years of his age?  This factor is often associated with men who better understand the dynamics of communicating emotionally with women.

Romantic Aptitude Scores
____  Does he make plans 2 or more time per year?  Men who have an innate or learned romantic aptitude understand a vital component is planning.   This is a key indicator for relationships that are considered romantic by the female partner. 
____  Does he surprise you romantically 1 or more times per year?  Occasional romantic surprises, whether humorous or sweet, are also key indicators of a romantic relationship.

Maturity Scores
____  Responsibility: Does he have it together?  Bills, job, etc? 
____  Organization: Does he have a basic and established system for staying organized?
____  Dependability: Can you and others count on him to deliver on his commitments?
____  Personality: Any major glitches that affect his relationships with friends, family, or you?


Next Step
Ask your boyfriend to score himself on this scorecard.  This is an important indicator of his level of self-awareness and honesty.  If he scored himself higher than your score, deduct 3 points from his total score.  For all other scores leave the total score intact.

Score Interpretation
0-18     You have some serious thinking to do about this relationship.  Is this relationship beyond hope?  Not if you don't mind being in a terrible relationship.

19-26    This indicates your boyfriend has a limited relationship aptitude and has chosen not to learn from past relationships. It's not beyond hope but you may be in for a lifetime of hard work with limited results.

27-35    You're on solid ground here with room for improvement.  The foundation is there which means improvement is very possible and likely.  Enjoy the journey together.

36-45    This indicates you have found a top shelf boyfriend.  If he scored toward the upper end of this scale, you may be able to learn a thing or two from him. 

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