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Relationships: 5 reasons you may not be as loveable as you think

By Katie Michaels, DERF Relationship Columnist/Blogger

It is the time of year to begin thinking about personality or lifestyle changes you may need to make in order to increase your odds of having a quality relationship.  In this piece I will present you with the five mandatory behaviors/traits that must be eliminated by everyone who has them.  For quality men, these items are documented deal breakers.  These are items that truly make women ‘unloveable' and they are the five most common reasons why men say they fall out of love with woman. 

Of course many women do not have any of these traits.  That is because they are either very fortunate or they have worked very hard in the area of personal development.  You may not have any of these traits.  If that is the case, remind yourself it never hurts to continue your development through further introspection and adjustment.  However if you honestly feel you display one or more of the following traits/behaviors, then do your research and find the right improvement path for yourself.  The really encouraging news is every one of these items is 100% reversible. 

Excessive Drinking - This is a universally unattractive trait. If you're serious about finding a quality person to date it's time to tone down the drinking. If your drinking goes beyond just having a good time once in a while then this problem most likely negatively affects all aspects of your life so it needs to be corrected for lots of reasons beyond your romantic relationships.  If you actually suffer from a dependency on alcohol or other substances then it is very apparent to other people especially anyone you are dating.  But you need to understand that virtually no one wants to further a relationship with a person who suffers from a substance abuse tendency.  People instinctively know they are not equipped to really help you and they will look elsewhere for seek a healthier candidate.  Very few behaviors are considered more self-destructive than this. 

Game Playing - This is a habit some women develop at a young age as a strategy to manipulate men.  It works fabulously....for about one day....when you're 19.  Otherwise, it seriously turns men off.  Studies show the more physically attractive you are, the longer you can get way with it.  But men universally blurt this item out as an eventual deal breaker no matter how attractive you are.  Not only is it easily recognized as manipulation, it is considered insincere.  Try learning to reach greater relationship heights through honest communication.  Be more transparent with your intentions.  Quality men will recognize and appreciate this. 

Clinginess/Dependency - Are your communication habits with your boyfriend appropriate for the phase the relationship is in?  Relationships grow in stages that should flow relatively gently from one phase to the next.  Each phase moves at a pace not necessarily perfect for each partner but your ability to tolerate slightly lower progression than you anticipated is key to building a strong foundation.  How do know what is normal for each phase?  All I can say is everyone just knows.  Deep down you know if you are pushing it.  If you call your boyfriend every two hours in the first month of your relationship, guess what?  You know that's inappropriate.  Don't expect to have a boyfriend very long.  If you think you don't have a good sense for what is appropriate at each stage in the relationship, then you need to be more honest with yourself.  I believe everyone knows and if you think you don't it is because you are not listening to yourself. 

Lack of Motivation - Are you along for the ride or are you a participant?  Men want you to be a participant.  Quality men are not looking for a tag along.  The pressure of having to be motivated enough for two people us unappealing to quality men.  You need to have goals that you are committed to.  You need to be able to share them clearly.  You need to be able to adapt them to fit with the goals of another person.  Men are very attracted to women with a certain amount of independence and self motivation.

Borderline Personality Traits - This is a catch all.  These are smaller problem areas that are often mentioned but by themselves none of these is usually a deal breaker.  However bundle a few together and we're talking a pretty unattractive scenario.  These items include extremes related to any of the following:  Bad temper, too much negativity/pessimism, lack of humor, and being overly critical.  These are easy to fix.  Do it now and increase your odds of relationship success.