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KATIE VS MEN

Is your boyfriend gay?

By Katie Michales, Derf Relationship Columnist/Blogger  

If you want the easy answer, here it is:  Probably not.  In fact, statistically speaking the chances are only about 2.5% that your boyfriend is gay.  Starting at college age men the number is higher and gradually gets lower with age. This is because a gay man is less likely to date a woman the older he gets. 

But here's where it gets a little more complicated.  For women who suspect their boyfriend is gay, the odds go way up to 36%.  This simply means 36% of woman who suspect their boyfriend is gay are right!  This means women have a pretty good general sense about this.    

How does any of this help you?   Here are a bunch of signs that are both positive and false indictors of homosexuality.  Where did I get all my information?  From the U.S. Government Department of Women Who Might Be Dating Gay Guys.  Seriously I have my sources.

GENERALLY FALSE INDICATORS

He avoids sex a lot
This is the most common false indicator.  Women are often fooled by this one.  The truth is there are many reasons why he may not want sex.  Some of these reasons can be difficult to admit to yourself.  He may have lost his sexual attraction to you.  This is possible and definitely happens.  Also he may be seeing someone else.  If not seeing someone else at least his thoughts may be preoccupied sexually with someone else.  He may also have a simple medical problem.  Also there are countless psychological issues a person could have causing sexual avoidance. 

Also don't forget there are gazillions of cases of gay men gating married and having sex with their wife for years before admitting they are gay.  So the bottom line is sexual avoidance is absolutely not an indicator by itself.

He is more effeminate than most men
This requires a lot of careful consideration.  Being effeminate in and of itself has really nothing to do with being gay.  Lots of effeminate men are straight.  Conversely, Rock Hudson was gay. 

Some people define effeminate based on a person's interests.  Is he drawn to traditionally feminine domestic activities such as cleaning, cooking, decorating, etc?  This means nothing.  Some guys just like this stuff. Consider yourself lucky.  Does he love the arts (Theater, music, etc)?  There is no correlation here either.  People of all shapes and sizes and sexual orientations love the arts.  This is not a factor.

MORE DEFINITIVE INDICATORS

Gay guys think he's gay!

Ok you could be onto something here. Do you have a gay friend or two?  It's time to run your boyfriend through the gaydar! 

Any unexplainable proclivities like wearing women's clothing?
Indicators like this warrant further looking into.  Have you ever found gay porn on his computer?  Bingo!  These are all the type of things you will generally be very embarrassed about. If you find yourself with this feeling, you will know something is up. 

After giving it enough though, find someone to discuss it with to put yourself in a condition to discuss it rationally with your boyfriend.