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Sunday, December 21st - 11:00 AM-2:30 AM

Sunday Funday @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

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KATIE VS MEN

Four reasons you might be attracting too many losers

Do losers seem to seek you out?  Out of a room full of guys, do you feel you end up talking to someone who turns out to be a deadbeat more often than your share of the time?  Do you meet and get attached to seemingly great guys only to find out they are married, incapable of holding a job, or have a somewhat dark criminal past?  If any of these questions sometimes linger in your consciousness, let’s explore a little deeper. 

1.  The statistics are not in a girls favor
First of all, remember that we all attract the wrong type of guy because it is a statistical fact that most guys are the wrong type.  Period.  This is just a simple statistical fact.  As guys approach us we turn them down until we find one we feel is right for us.  This is called selection process.  They may be the right type for someone else but not for you.  This is how the world works.  Men make their pitch and we turn them down.  Luckily they usually move on quickly and make their pitch to another woman…often the same night in the same bar.  But don’t give up.  I said most guys are not right for you, not all.  So don’t get a complex.  It is normal to be approached by the wrong type for you by a ratio of at least 10:1.   But if you find yourself getting in relationships with men who later turn out to be low quality dating candidates, keep reading.

2.  The worst guys often have the best pitch
We’ve all been fooled by the smoothest, most confident guy in the room.  We all need to grow beyond falling for this.  Guys with the most to hide (married, chronically jobless, criminal past, etc.) often work harder at their approach than the normal, quiet, somewhat shy guy sort of keeping to himself.   Since their goal is to deceive rather than connect, they often have likely rehearsed and perfected their con over a period of years.   As Ronald Reagan said, you should trust but verify.   Before becoming emotionally attached in any way, make sure you get the facts.  Be friendly without being overly receptive until you know more.   Also learn to trust your instinct.  Chances are you’ve been fooled before but you recall a deep down sense that something was wrong. 

3.  Periods of emotional vulnerability don’t help
We make our worst relationship choices when we are vulnerable.  During times in our life when we have suffered a significant loss such as the death of a loved one or a painful breakup, we are especially vulnerable to making poor dating decisions.  During these low periods we seek the comfort from others to help us cope.  Recognize these moments and seek comfort from close friends and family members.  Try to have the discipline to postpone new dating decisions until you feel confident, stable, and healthy.   You will see things more clearly and you will make better decisions. 

4.  Situational perspective  - Your Grandmother probably told you this one
Where and when are you meeting men?   Do you meet a lot of men in bars after midnight? There’s nothing wrong with being in bars after midnight but you shouldn’t consider that an ideal setting for meeting new men.  Do you meet a lot of men through contacts or friends that you do not have a lot in common with?  Your circle of friends directly impacts the quality of dating candidates you will meet.   If the circle needs to upgraded, start making it happen.  Your Grandmother has told you all of this.  Listen to her for once.