It's festival season at The Church of Me!
Being a highly influential and much beloved columnist, it is not necessary for me to toot my own horn. However, I can’t go any longer without pointing out my mastery on this subject. I plan to totally own dozens of church festivals this summer. From Norwood to Northern Kentucky to the West Side, I’ll be arriving at church parking lots and not leaving until that festival is my bitch.
There is a proper way to go about attending a church festival, and so many people just don’t get it. People forget the true meaning of these church functions: Gambling, gorging on food, getting ripped, and letting everyone have a chance to rub elbows with an influential blogger like me. You don’t…
About Slade Dandridge
Slade Dandridge develops his column ideas through a process he calls 'Accelerated Coffee Infusement'. He considers himself very attractive and intelligent. He also believes he is adored by his readers. Slade is writing a book about reducing America's dependence on foreign marmalade.
Comment or critique Slade's blog on the DERF Message Boards
Slade would love to hear from you: firstname.lastname@example.org
- I wish I could find a kid cool enough for me to mentor.
- EDITORIAL: I'm about to unleash a ringtone on my friends that will rock their world
- Iím not sure how much of a tax deduction to take for being awesome.
- Maybe Jennifer Aniston needs to shove a little Slade in Brangelina's face!
- There's nothing like a romantic getaway weekend in a rented PODS container
- Slade plus Kate equals GREAT!