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Lifestyle blog with Slade Dandridge

Letís review the 27 ways I bring it in my workplace

I think most of my coworkers know I really bring it around here.  I add an immense amount of value to this organization.  After careful thought I have determined there are 27 distinct ways I bring it.   Although I haven’t been told this directly by my boss or coworkers that I bring it, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.  I am taking this opportunity today to set the record straight regarding the numerous ways I bring it.  There is not enough room to discuss all 27 ways I bring it so I have chosen 6 representative items to highlight how I bring it.

1.  I have a super loyal and massive fan base.

Let’s face it, I am immensely popular amongst DERF readers.  I have been told the entire staff at the Starbucks in the Rookwood shopping center regularly discusses my column.  They’ve been heard debating whether or not it serves any real purpose.  The point is not whether they like my column or not but rather that they have noticed my column.  That’s a great place to start. 

2.  My Karaoke skills help ease office tension.
Last week around 3pm during the mid-afternoon office slump, I livened up the place with my fav Bon Jovi song, “Shot Through The Heart”.  Sure a few coworkers complained about me because they were trying to talk on the phone or meet with clients or whatever.  My boss sent me a disciplinary note saying I disrupted the workplace but I think he was just doing the minimum to appear compliant with company guidelines.  I sensed he secretly thought highly of my gesture.

3.  I have a strong emotional connection with my coworkers.

Sometimes I approach my coworkers while they are seated and give them a nice neck rub.  Then I ask questions like, “How’s you’re love life?”  My hope is to help people open up and share some of their most private thoughts with me.  Unfortunately most of my coworkers feel this is a violation of their personal space but that’s obviously because they don’t have the same emotional depth as me.

4.  I am sensitive to the needs of women in the workplace.

On the advice of my lawyer I can’t say a lot about this one.  Let’s just say I was generous enough to send out a company wide 24 page email describing a lifelong collection of all my feelings about women.  I explained how I support women’s right to choose, how women have a high aptitude for nurturing activities, etc.  This was my gift to the women I work with and I hope the ones that didn’t file a lawsuit really appreciate it.

5.  I am comfortable sharing my vulnerabilities in group settings.

I cry openly while sharing something sad about my life every week during our weekly staff meeting.  This lets everyone know there is more to me than just being a popular, insightful, and highly respected bi-weekly magazine columnist.  I am a sensitive human being who feels things deeply.  Last week my boss required me to make a counseling appointment with the company Employee Assistance Program.  I am certain he is counting on me to provide a fair assessment of how good of a job they are doing over there.

6.  I occasionally treat everyone to an interesting lunch.

Everyone remembers the time I promised to bring burgers to the office and I surprised them with delicious ostrich burgers.  What a treat this was for the whole team.  Most people tried a bite and didn’t really like it but I know deep down they all appreciated my gesture.