Note all women are ready to date a highly successful man like me.
By Slade Dandridge, DERF Lifestyle Columnist/Blogger
Because I am possibly one of the top five magazine columnists in the Oakley area (probably number one between Brotherton and Marburg), I find that many women do not understand what it takes to be with a successful man.
I had a dinner date at my house last week with a lovely young woman. Let's call her....Candice Hoffstettler. Candice agreed to bring the food and wine to my house and I agreed to cook. She brought many wonderful, rare, and exotic ingredients and a very impressively priced bottle of wine. It was obvious she wanted to impress me. Just between you and I, when Candice wasn't looking I opened and poured a much cheaper bottle of wine I had purchased for a previous date who cancelled on me. I looked forward to impressing a future date with this expensive wine. Note to all my boys out there, this is a how a straight up player rolls.
As you know, being a successful columnist requires me to take career-related calls at odd hours from fans, agents, publishers, etc. This night was no different. So while I took an important career-related call, unfortunately Candice had to start cooking the salmon on the barbecue. With each career-related call, I could see Candice was becoming more annoyed. But she did a great job preparing the salad, steaming the vegetables, making the side dishes, cooking dessert, and cooking the salmon to perfection.
After she started eating I made sure to put one of my calls on hold for a moment to ask her how she was doing? I thought it was very respectful of me to check in with her and show concern for her needs. She made a rather negative comment about the taste of the wine and kept eating. I told her sometimes even the expensive bottles can go bad.
When I realized Candice was finished eating, I interrupted another call and asked if she wouldn't mind wrapping up my portion so I could have it for lunch tomorrow. She snapped at me and said, "By the way, what is that garbage smell in your backyard?" I swear if one more woman asks me that I am going to explode.
With my hand over the phone mouthpiece I told her that was from the pile where I compost rotting food. I also explained it's not a garbage smell but the aroma of conservation and earthly replenishment. Then I asked, "Don't you compost your food waste? If you start now you'll have rich and wonderful mulch in 2 to 4 years." Then I got back to my call while Candice let herself out. I sensed something was troubling her when she left. Some women are definitely threatened by successful men.
The next day I sent Candice a Facebook message to thank her for a wonderful meal. I also mentioned that the salad dressing she used was mine and I asked her if she wouldn't mind covering the cost of it since technically she agreed to buy all of the ingredients for dinner. I didn't name a specific price but said a couple bucks should cover it. I think that was reasonable. I haven't heard back from her yet but I don't think she checks Facebook every day.
What did I learn from this date? Some women like Candice Hoffstettler simply aren't ready for the big time. Ladies the bottomline is you need to make a few simple sacrifices if you want to date a man who's going places and who understands the complexities of making high quality mulch.