Tips and Tactics for being a fake musician.

With the advent of games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero, there has been a steep increase in the amount of self proclaimed musicians in the past few years. They have mastered the art of the plastic Stratocaster, shredding these bad boys to pieces. But these musicians aren’t gathering the flocks of woman they see the musicians on MTV gathering. So, a plan has to be formulated to solve this problem, because if you aren’t getting woman, what’s the point of being a musician? These perceptive individuals set forth to find what they’re lacking and have begun to take notice of a difference they never realized before, the musicians are using REAL guitars. Now the realization sets in that a real guitar cost money. But in the grand scheme of things, if the guitar playing successfully gets them girls, that’s hundreds of dollars that won’t have to be spent on popped collared polos and drinks at the bar. There’s only one more obstacle to overcome now. Real guitars take time to learn how to play. But wait, you wouldn’t be able to beat songs on Expert difficulty if you didn’t have a knack for it. I mean, If you can press the little colored buttons at the same time you hit the little switch back and forth, then a real guitar can’t be THAT hard right?

After a few months, you now can see how far these individuals have come. Go to any high school or college party around America, and you will see them. They have realized that to actually play the songs they had learned on Guitar Hero was more difficult and more time intensive than they expected, and have thus resorted to a few specific tactics. They have realized that, with these few tactics, they can still achieve their goal of getting girls, without actually every practicing.

I wish to present to you a few of these tactics so that you will be able to pick up on them when you see them, or employ them if for some reason this path is for you. Also, women, hopefully this will help you avoid falling for someone who only seeks to use you.

Tactic 1: There are only a few chords that are needed by these devoted musicians: A, C, D, E, and G. If you seek to go above and beyond, contemplate using the minor versions of these same chords.

Tactic 2: Since a decent amount of songs can be covered with the above chords, you now have a nice starting point for your choice of songs. It is best to focus on songs that are popular and well known, that way you won’t have to take time to learn the lyrics as other people join in and sing them for you. Also, if you mess up, these backup singers may drown out any mistakes that you make.

Tactic 3: It never worked on guitar hero, but the guitar itself can act as a percussion instrument too if you wish. If you can keep a beat, try tapping the body of the guitar to the beat of the song you want everyone to enjoy.  

Tactic 4: It's best to always have a guitar pick on you at all times so you looked prepared. Everyone will obviously assume you play all the time if you need to keep a pick on you.

Tactic 5: Don’t be afraid to make up really cool stories involving your instrument, the pick you’re using, other accessories, or past experiences. If you can make up a really interesting story about what happened to you while you played Wonderwall or Smoke On the Water  in the past, it will be a great segue for when you play it right after the story.

Tactic 6 (advanced): Fingerpicking. Not only does it sound cool, but it makes you look amazing! And guess what, some songs are really easy to fingerpick.

Take these tips into mind. The next time you're at a party keep your eye on anyone trying to pass these moves off as legit skills. Or...use them yourself.