Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, April 16th
You will be visited in your dreams by a mythical lion who will tell you the secret to eternal happiness. You will then be visited while awake by a real lion who will maul and eat you.
You finally have a reason to celebrate. All of the restraining orders filed against you expired this week! Treat yourself to something nice. Then get started on screening some fresh new stalking victims.
There is reason to believe that your economic situation will be improving. But you must be willing to embrace prostitution as a temporary means to an end.
How long are you going to let that hair grow out of the mole on your neck? Either clip it, or braid it before someone else does.
Your computer is afflicted with a virus that puts a smiley face at the bottom of every email you send out. People find it extremely annoying.
This month you will unknowingly repulse a Leo and Capricorn so severely they will vomit. Their vomiting will in turn make a Gemini and Sagittarius vomit. This cycle will continue until most people in your community will be hospitalized with severe dehydration.
If the lawn gnomes in your neighborhood ever decide to rise up and attack humans, you are first on their list. Double lock your windows and make sure to block the doggie door.
The good news is someone is going to buy you a gift you will really need. The bad news is it is a book entitled, 50 Things to do While Under House Arrest.
The cookie sample you are going to eat at the grocery store was just slapped out of the hand of a wheezing nine year old. Eat it at your own risk, but you might want to make sure that you are up to date on all of your shots.
You're going to make a huge impression this week. Your butt is going to make a sweaty, deep, permanent impression on your couch cushion.
It's time to take care of something that has been weighing on your mind. Clean the blood out of your trunk and use bleach this time.
The stars are about to align perfectly for your luck to be at its peak. It will occur for a half hour time frame, but you will be too busy watching a Saved By The Bell rerun to notice.
Previous Weeks:Thursday, April 10th
Wednesday, April 9th
Tuesday, April 8th