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Tuesday, April 22nd - 11:00 AM-11:00 PM

Taco Tuesdays @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

Friday, Apr 25 - 5:30PM-9:30PM

The Oak Tavern, $10 for 10 Beers -OR- 7 Cocktails!
lame horoscopes

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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.


Thursday, April 17th

Aries
Is Tim Hedrick really your only friend on Facebook? Hahahaha!
Aries
Taurus
Don't allow any Scorpios to handcuff you this week. If they offer, tell them you gave up handcuffing for lent.
Taurus
Gemini
You're seventh DUI is going to make you feel a bit nostalgic about those first few DUIs. Let yourself take a mental trip down memory lane while they process you at the county correctional facility.
Gemini
Cancer
Stay away from Disney World. The guy in the Mickey Mouse suit has a rare disorder that can only be triggered by your pheromones. One whiff of you will cause him to be covered with boils so large they pop through his costume.
Cancer
Leo
On your next trip to the track, bet on the number two horse. It isn't going to win, but you will find a new love who adores the way you scream, Deuce! C'mon deuce!
Leo
Virgo
You need to make more time for yourself. There are 24 hours in a day, and you only think about yourself 23 and a half.
Virgo
Libra
Someone is going to slip something in your drink at the bar. Luckily, you are such a raging alcoholic that you did not even notice.
Libra
Scorpio
Your last two restaurant meals contained traces of vermin droppings. Fortunately, you are immune to them because of the infestation in your kitchen.
Scorpio
Sagittarius
The sweater you bought at Goodwill this week has fleas. Luckily they are the same species and phylum as the fleas already in your wardrobe so the transition should be a peaceful one.
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Get out of the old breakfast routine. Have a bagel instead of malt liquor and see what that does to improve your day.
Capricorn
Aquarius
Indulge your curious side by peeking into the stall next of you in public bathrooms this week. You're likely to find a new friend.
Aquarius
Pisces
Your unlucky numbers are 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and any combination or repetition of these digits. Also, all fractions are included.
Pisces


Previous Weeks:

Wednesday, April 16th
Thursday, April 10th
Wednesday, April 9th

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