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Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Friday, May 24th - 9:30 PM-12:00 AM

Tim Mcgraw Ticket Giveaway @ The Oak Tavern

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!

lame horoscopes

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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.


Wednesday, May 22nd

Aries
There is reason to believe that your economic situation will be improving. But you must be willing to embrace prostitution as a temporary means to an end.
Aries
Taurus
Third time's a charm. Hopefully this will hold true for you third attempt at the G.E.D test. Our recommended celebrity tattoo for you is Richard Grieco.
Taurus
Gemini
You should really think about wiping your hands on your pants before AND after shaking hands with people this week.
Gemini
Cancer
Why not break out of your rut this week? Try being hopelessly incompetent at something new!
Cancer
Leo
Your lucky numbers for the week are hidden in your supervisor's back hair. Search carefully, but search soon because there is a waxing in his future.
Leo
Virgo
You're seventh DUI is going to make you feel a bit nostalgic about those first few DUIs. Let yourself take a mental trip down memory lane while they process you at the county correctional facility.
Virgo
Libra
Don't be afraid to make new friends. In fact, don't be afraid to give them the keys to your house and your ATM card.
Libra
Scorpio
You inspire people to think of the beach, because you smell of kelp and seagull droppings.
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Positive affirmations can help you achieve success. But telling yourself no one can detect you're hair piece is called denial. This is about as effective as telling yourself you're going to start growing hair any moment.
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Your girlfriend loves when you speak like Yoda. Keep doing it even when she seems irritated about it. When you really feel like you have gone too far, switch to Borat.
Capricorn
Aquarius
Gather your thoughts before speaking in anger. While you are gathering your thoughts, you might want to gather some weapons too. The people you are angry at are better armed.
Aquarius
Pisces
You will soon be coming into some money. You'll find a five dollar bill on the street that a rich person just blew their nose into.
Pisces


Previous Weeks:

Wednesday, May 15th
Thursday, May 9th
Friday, May 3rd

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