Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, October 24th
Take some time to find out more about yourself this week. Use the freedom of information act to request your FBI file.
The mailman licks his fingers to sort your mail before putting it in your box. He is mostly healthy, except for a rare strain of the plague that only you are capable of contracting. Microwave all correspondence.
You have nothing to fear this week. Except bedbugs. Lots and lots of bedbugs. They are all hungry and they are the only creatures on the planet that find you delicious.
Soaking your parakeet in motor oil to make him empathize with less fortunate wild birds who are victims of an oil spill was not a good idea. Showing him pictures on the intranet may have been a better option.
Been thinking about your old Army buddies a lot lately? That may be a problem because you were never in the Army. The people you've been thinking about are faceless, anonymous people in other countries you play Halo with.
How long are you planning to leave that expired milk in the refrigerator? It is going to sprout legs and eat start eating the other food.
The good news is someone is going to buy you a gift you will really need. The bad news is it is a book entitled, 50 Things to do While Under House Arrest.
The next knock on your door will bring a delightful surprise. The knock after that will be a team of repossession professionals to take it away.
Your zest for life is never ending...just like your supply of alcohol. These two things go hand in hand.
The guy who keeps staring at you at the coffee shop thinks you sent him a nude photo in response to his ad on Craigslist. The staring will continue until you buy him a large mochachino as a gesture of good will.
Your unlucky numbers are 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and any combination or repetition of these digits. Also, all fractions are included.
Don't hide dead Capricorns in your car trunk this week. You're going to need your spare tire when you get a flat while evading a bookie you still haven't paid from your losing Superbowl bets.