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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, November 14th
Like an old dog, you are reluctant to learn new tricks. Also like an old dog, you are flatulent and your fur has seen better days.
You'll be getting some extra sleep this week. The bad news is it is going to happen while you are driving.
The cookie sample you are going to eat at the grocery store was just slapped out of the hand of a wheezing nine year old. Eat it at your own risk, but you might want to make sure that you are up to date on all of your shots.
You are nurtured by the earth, air, and water. Heroin is a product of all these things so there's no reason to feel guilty about your continued abuse of this totally natural product of the earth.
Did you hear that noise? Yes, you did. No one else heard it, but you definitely did. Does this make you insane? Yes.
Get out of the old breakfast routine. Have a bagel instead of malt liquor and see what that does to improve your day.
The reason you can't find anything to wear in your closet is because you never buy the right clothes. Start looking for more burlap and calico mixes.
Forever may seem like a long time, but it isn't as long as spending two minutes in an elevator with you.
Your local weight watchers meeting should be avoided at all costs. They have pictures of you eating a corn dog on the wall that they use as a motivational tool.
Pause to reflect on a sunset today, but make sure to get back home before it is fully dark. There are a half dozen people in your neighborhood dying to jump a sunset starer.
Time to take control of your health and diet, even if it means financial ruin for the frozen pizza industry.
So you found out this week you are immune to the swine flu virus. What does it mean? Well, pigs are immune also. We'll let you draw your own conclusions.