This week you will have several moments of self-doubt. Each and every one of them will be based in hard fact. Spend as much time as possible hiding under the covers.

Gemini

There are people in your life who love to see you fail miserably at everything you do. You've been making them really happy. Keep up the good work.

Gemini

Your unlucky numbers are 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and any combination or repetition of these digits. Also, all fractions are included.

Cancer

Your lucky numbers this week are t, q, m, s, and h. Yep, you're lucky numbers are just as confused as you are.

Leo

Use your talents this week to help another person. Bong building is not really a talent that counts but if that's all you've got then go for it.

Virgo

Your job prospects might improve if you sneak over the border to Mexico and look for a fruit picking job.

Virgo

That last piece of fried chicken you had was extremely high in calories. The worse news is, it wasn't chicken. You should have noticed the flea collar.

Virgo

You're seventh DUI is going to make you feel a bit nostalgic about those first few DUIs. Let yourself take a mental trip down memory lane while they process you at the county correctional facility.

Virgo

Every time you do a favor for a friend, it may later bring you good karma. Just in case it doesn't, make sure you write it down in a safe place so you can remind that friend later when you need bail money or a ride to the Talbot House sobriety counseling center.

Libra

Watch for hidden messages in Brady Bunch reruns. The message will be hidden in Mike Brady's perm.

Scorpio

The pedestrian you hit this week lived. Also the old geezer memorized your license plate number. You still have time to ?pay him a little visit' at Good Samaritan hospital.

Sagittarius

You are going to take a trip, but your luggage is going to take an even longer trip. At the conclusion of your journeys, your luggage will smell like goat urine, and will have had a better time than you.

Capricorn