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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, March 27th
Went out drinking last night and forgot your house keys? Climbing through the doggie door would have been a good idea if you hadn't passed out and gotten stuck due to being 60 pounds overweight. Hopefully one of the neighbors will see you on their way to work this morning and help pull you out. And your dog is pissed.
You'll be getting some extra sleep this week. The bad news is it is going to happen while you are driving.
Exercise will lead to strengthening of your character. Start by not weeping when the kids down the street laugh at you as you jog.
Here's a new drinking game and a wonderful way to improve yourself. Every time Heidi Montag has a plastic surgery procedure, you drink plus you get the same procedure. There are other variations but this is the basic game.
You are nurtured by the earth, air, and water. Heroin is a product of all these things so there's no reason to feel guilty about your continued abuse of this totally natural product of the earth.
Keep on reaching for the stars. You're never going to actually touch them, or anything else of value. But for you, living life through simplistic cliche metaphors might be the best way to keep you from using meth again.
You need to make more time for yourself. There are 24 hours in a day, and you only think about yourself 23 and a half.
There are so many negative influences out there. How do you avoid them all? While you work on answering this question remember most people you know have decided you are the worst negative influence in their life.
You will soon be on a game show. The host is going to mock you, the audience is going to laugh at you, and there will be no parting gifts.
The good news is you totally don't have to worry about impressing people at your upcoming 10 year high school reunion. The bad news is you can't go because you'll be on house arrest again.
You're going to make a huge impression this week. Your butt is going to make a sweaty, deep, permanent impression on your couch cushion.
There is an evil force in your home. Or maybe it is just expired cream cheese. Either way, be careful while eating your bagel.