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Tuesday, April 22nd - 11:00 AM-11:00 PM

Taco Tuesdays @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

Friday, Apr 25 - 5:30PM-9:30PM

The Oak Tavern, $10 for 10 Beers -OR- 7 Cocktails!
lame horoscopes

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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.


Wednesday, April 3rd

Taurus
The guy who keeps staring at you at the coffee shop thinks you sent him a nude photo in response to his ad on Craigslist. The staring will continue until you buy him a large mochachino as a gesture of good will.
Taurus
Gemini
Giving up caffeine is a good idea. But suddenly replacing that daily energy jolt with meth amphetamines is bad choice. Start with Redbull and work your way up
Gemini
Cancer
Stay away from Disney World. The guy in the Mickey Mouse suit has a rare disorder that can only be triggered by your pheromones. One whiff of you will cause him to be covered with boils so large they pop through his costume.
Cancer
Virgo
Keep a close eye behind you at all times this week. In fact, stop reading this and turn around now.
Virgo
Scorpio
The expiration dates on your hair products are older than the expiration date on your hairstyle. Get a new cut and ditch those Kenny Chesney 1988 style faded jeans. They look ridiculous on Kenny Chesney and even worse on you.
Scorpio
Sagittarius
You have nothing to fear this week. Except bedbugs. Lots and lots of bedbugs. They are all hungry and they are the only creatures on the planet that find you delicious.
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Thinking about researching your family tree? Our advice is stay away from the Kentucky side of the tree. You might find that your spouse is really a sibling.
Capricorn
Capricorn
Get out of the old breakfast routine. Have a bagel instead of malt liquor and see what that does to improve your day.
Capricorn
Aquarius
Your dentist is becoming increasingly interested in sadism. Make sure you self-medicate before your next cleaning.
Aquarius
Pisces
A surprise visitor is going to greet you with wonderful news. However, the visitor is going to surprise you to the point that you'll pass out and not hear what they have to say.
Pisces
Pisces
A large Samoan will come to you with a business proposition. Give him everything in your checking account, but hang on to some savings for the therapy you'll need.
Pisces
Pisces
Don't hide dead Capricorns in your car trunk this week. You're going to need your spare tire when you get a flat while evading a bookie you still haven't paid from your losing Superbowl bets.
Pisces
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