Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Thursday, May 2nd
The person who occasionally breaks into your house to use your toothbrush has just developed a fascination with your underwear drawer.
It's time to take care of something that has been weighing on your mind. Clean the blood out of your trunk and use bleach this time.
If you're feeling a bit down, here's a quick pick-me-up idea. Bring that dog you've been neglecting to an animal shelter. They'll find a nice new family for him and you'll feel a lot better.
Alien beings in a far away galaxy studied you intently last year. They came to the conclusion that Earth contains no intelligent life smarter than the tapeworm.
Ever have that not so fresh feeling? Everyone downwind from you has.
Take some time to find out more about yourself this week. Use the freedom of information act to request your FBI file.
Embrace you personal defects. An online database which lists all of your defects will be complete for you to review as soon as our data entry team completes the eleven year phase of entering your defects.
Loved ones will soon be turning away from your cries for help. Try crying for help in a slightly deeper voice, the high pitch makes their skin crawl.
You are about to get some life changing advice from a man wearing a v-neck t-shirt. Your friends will then abandon you, because they don't want to hang out with someone who talks to dudes who wear v-neck t-shirts.
There is a bacteria in your microwave that explodes all over your food at the one minute mark of heating. Don't let anything go for more than 59 seconds.
People see you as having great honor, integrity, charm, warmth, generosity, and intellect. No wait, that's not you. We mixed you up with someone else. But maybe if you quit smoking so much weed you could at least be seen as a little bit less of a loser.
The stars are about to align perfectly for your luck to be at its peak. It will occur for a half hour time frame, but you will be too busy watching a Saved By The Bell rerun to notice.