Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Thursday, June 20th
Your constant visits to midget pornography sites on the internet will lead to a computer virus lurking in cyberspace that will be named after you.
Your frequent visits to several human trafficking websites has not gone unnoticed. You should do your research from the computers at Kinko's.
Exercise will lead to strengthening of your character. Start by not weeping when the kids down the street laugh at you as you jog.
The cookie sample you are going to eat at the grocery store was just slapped out of the hand of a wheezing nine year old. Eat it at your own risk, but you might want to make sure that you are up to date on all of your shots.
Next time the hostess asks if you want a table or a booth, it is a sign of impending doom. Scream loudly and run from the restaurant immediately.
Are you ready for a tender-hearted romance but feel frustrated by something that always gets in the way? It's called a restraining order.
The good news is someone is going to buy you a gift you will really need. The bad news is it is a book entitled, 50 Things to do While Under House Arrest.
You work at P&G. You wear khaki pants every day. And you think Starbucks is cool. OMFG dude!
There are so many negative influences out there. How do you avoid them all? While you work on answering this question remember most people you know have decided you are the worst negative influence in their life.
The good news is you totally don't have to worry about impressing people at your upcoming 10 year high school reunion. The bad news is you can't go because you'll be on house arrest again.
At least you are alone by choice. Though, it is the choice of others.
Step forward and make your voice heard. Unless you were choking on something when you were a kid and someone had to perform an emergency tracheotomy on you and it destroyed your voice box. In that case maybe carry a Sharpie around with you and communicate that way.