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lame horoscopes

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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.


Wednesday, June 26th

Aries
A clean living space will clear your mind. Ask your roommate at the Talbot House to join you in tidying up your bunks today.
Aries
Aries
If you have a friend that needs some harsh advice, don't take the risk of delivering it in person. Write them an anonymous note but make it look like a mutual friend's handwriting so they'll get blamed in case there are hard feelings.
Aries
Taurus
You finally have a reason to celebrate. All of the restraining orders filed against you expired this week! Treat yourself to something nice. Then get started on screening some fresh new stalking victims.
Taurus
Taurus
Your unlucky numbers are 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and any combination or repetition of these digits. Also, all fractions are included.
Taurus
Taurus
Blacktopping driveways will be a big part of your next career move. It won't be how you'll make your money, it will be something your boss will force you to do as a means of harassment.
Taurus
Taurus
Your career forecast is dark. Time to start thinking about faking a slip and fall accident at your local grocery store. It is the only thing you might be good at.
Taurus
Cancer
Your job prospects might improve if you sneak over the border to Mexico and look for a fruit picking job.
Cancer
Libra
Stressful moments can be overcome by quiet, meditative reflection. However, your mind may not be cut out for meditative reflection. Try numbing yourself with cough syrup instead.
Libra
Libra
Car part prices, mustache grooming equipment, and certain farming principles. Regarding everything else, always seek the advice of a qualified professional.
Libra
Libra
Your current relationship isn't going to work out, but go ahead and have their name tattooed on your stomach. It will be a classy touch.
Libra
Aquarius
Indulge your curious side by peeking into the stall next of you in public bathrooms this week. You're likely to find a new friend.
Aquarius
Pisces
Your luckiest moment in this moon cycle will occur at the same time as your most unlucky moment. This will result in you just sitting there with nothing happening. Just like always.
Pisces
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