Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Monday, August 5th
Don't respond to any new friend requests on Facebook for the next week. Unless it is Sverd Head. Having him as a friend will open up doors in your life that you can scarcely imagine.
You are going to produce a sweat stain on your date's couch that looks like the Mona Lisa. Take a picture of it, then get out of there quick before anyone notices
Don't take let a Gemini use your bathroom this week, unless you know a Libra who is knows how to install an industrial strength exhaust fan. You may also want to befriend a Taurus with plumbing experience.
Positive affirmations can help you achieve success. But telling yourself no one can detect you're hair piece is called denial. This is about as effective as telling yourself you're going to start growing hair any moment.
Don't allow any Scorpios to handcuff you this week. If they offer, tell them you gave up handcuffing for lent.
Signs of success should be celebrated no matter how small they are. Get a microscope and hope for the best.
You will soon be coming into some money. You'll find a five dollar bill on the street that a rich person just blew their nose into.
Your computer is afflicted with a virus that puts a smiley face at the bottom of every email you send out. People find it extremely annoying.
If the lawn gnomes in your neighborhood ever decide to rise up and attack humans, you are first on their list. Double lock your windows and make sure to block the doggie door.
Someone in Canada is thinking about you right now. Actually, they are looking at pictures of you that your ex just posted on the internet. Nice thong.
Alien beings in a far away galaxy studied you intently last year. They came to the conclusion that Earth contains no intelligent life smarter than the tapeworm.
You have the heart of a lion. It is in your freezer in aluminum foil. The sticker on it might say, ?Ground Beef?, but trust us, it is lion heart.