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Tuesday, April 22nd - 11:00 AM-11:00 PM

Taco Tuesdays @ Mt. Lookout Tavern (MLT's)

DERF Happy Hour

Friday, Apr 25 - 5:30PM-9:30PM

The Oak Tavern, $10 for 10 Beers -OR- 7 Cocktails!
lame horoscopes

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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.


Monday, August 5th

Aries
Don't respond to any new friend requests on Facebook for the next week. Unless it is Sverd Head. Having him as a friend will open up doors in your life that you can scarcely imagine.
Aries
Taurus
Don't allow any Scorpios to handcuff you this week. If they offer, tell them you gave up handcuffing for lent.
Taurus
Cancer
Positive affirmations can help you achieve success. But telling yourself no one can detect you're hair piece is called denial. This is about as effective as telling yourself you're going to start growing hair any moment.
Cancer
Leo
You will soon be coming into some money. You'll find a five dollar bill on the street that a rich person just blew their nose into.
Leo
Leo
Your computer is afflicted with a virus that puts a smiley face at the bottom of every email you send out. People find it extremely annoying.
Leo
Virgo
Don't take let a Gemini use your bathroom this week, unless you know a Libra who is knows how to install an industrial strength exhaust fan. You may also want to befriend a Taurus with plumbing experience.
Virgo
Libra
Signs of success should be celebrated no matter how small they are. Get a microscope and hope for the best.
Libra
Libra
Someone in Canada is thinking about you right now. Actually, they are looking at pictures of you that your ex just posted on the internet. Nice thong.
Libra
Libra
If the lawn gnomes in your neighborhood ever decide to rise up and attack humans, you are first on their list. Double lock your windows and make sure to block the doggie door.
Libra
Scorpio
Alien beings in a far away galaxy studied you intently last year. They came to the conclusion that Earth contains no intelligent life smarter than the tapeworm.
Scorpio
Sagittarius
You have the heart of a lion. It is in your freezer in aluminum foil. The sticker on it might say, ?Ground Beef?, but trust us, it is lion heart.
Sagittarius
Capricorn
You are going to produce a sweat stain on your date's couch that looks like the Mona Lisa. Take a picture of it, then get out of there quick before anyone notices
Capricorn
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