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Saturday, November 1st - 10:00 AM-2:00 PM

Free Flow Mimosa Brunch at Keystone @ Keystone Bar & Grill

DERF Happy Hour

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lame horoscopes

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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.


Wednesday, August 7th

Cancer
Don't try to fill your idle time with any useful pursuits. Being idle is your strong suit.
Cancer
Cancer
Why not break out of your rut this week? Try being hopelessly incompetent at something new!
Cancer
Cancer
Keep on reaching for the stars. You're never going to actually touch them, or anything else of value. But for you, living life through simplistic cliche metaphors might be the best way to keep you from using meth again.
Cancer
Leo
There is reason to believe that your home is haunted. Luckily, the ghosts don't want to be around you any more than living people do...so they just keep to themselves in the utility closet.
Leo
Leo
Would you be surprised to learn the servers in your favorite Indian restaurant speak perfect English? They pretend they don't around you because like everyone else they can't stand you're annoying constant chatter.
Leo
Leo
Been thinking about your old Army buddies a lot lately? That may be a problem because you were never in the Army. The people you've been thinking about are faceless, anonymous people in other countries you play Halo with.
Leo
Libra
Wonderful news! You are going to meet a nice new guy online who would like to take you on vacation! His name is Joran Van Der Sloot and he's paying for your one way ticket.
Libra
Scorpio
Time to take control of your health and diet, even if it means financial ruin for the frozen pizza industry.
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Giving up caffeine is a good idea. But suddenly replacing that daily energy jolt with meth amphetamines is bad choice. Start with Redbull and work your way up
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Thinking about researching your family tree? Our advice is stay away from the Kentucky side of the tree. You might find that your spouse is really a sibling.
Capricorn
Capricorn
That dog who barks at you every day when you walk by makes some excellent points. It is time for you to start listening to him.
Capricorn
Pisces
Find a quiet calm in the storm by turning to the beauty of nature. Get a real good look at that flowered garden because it is about to be carried away by a twister.
Pisces
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