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Sunday, April 22nd - 11:00 PM-5:00 PM
Oakley Pup Crawl @ Oakley Square |

DERF Happy Hour
Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!
lame horoscopes

Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, August 14th
![]() | There is a solution to many of your problems hidden in the aisles of Home Depot. Search carefully, and pay special attention to the spackle section. Aries |
![]() | You are nurtured by the earth, air, and water. Heroin is a product of all these things so there's no reason to feel guilty about your continued abuse of this totally natural product of the earth. Gemini |
![]() | There is a bacteria in your microwave that explodes all over your food at the one minute mark of heating. Don't let anything go for more than 59 seconds. Leo |
![]() | You are becoming overwhelmed by guilt. Father, turn yourself in to the Archdiocese. Leo |
![]() | How long are you planning to leave that expired milk in the refrigerator? It is going to sprout legs and eat start eating the other food. Virgo |
![]() | Pause to reflect on a sunset today, but make sure to get back home before it is fully dark. There are a half dozen people in your neighborhood dying to jump a sunset starer. Libra |
![]() | Did you hear that noise? Yes, you did. No one else heard it, but you definitely did. Does this make you insane? Yes. Scorpio |
![]() | You will be featured in a ShamWow infomercial, they will refer to you as the only mess a ShamWow can't clean up. Sagittarius |
![]() | Your dentist is becoming increasingly interested in sadism. Make sure you self-medicate before your next cleaning. Aquarius |
![]() | The guy who keeps staring at you at the coffee shop thinks you sent him a nude photo in response to his ad on Craigslist. The staring will continue until you buy him a large mochachino as a gesture of good will. Aquarius |
![]() | Soaking your parakeet in motor oil to make him empathize with less fortunate wild birds who are victims of an oil spill was not a good idea. Showing him pictures on the intranet may have been a better option. Aquarius |
![]() | You are going to take a trip, but your luggage is going to take an even longer trip. At the conclusion of your journeys, your luggage will smell like goat urine, and will have had a better time than you. Pisces |