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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Thursday, January 2nd
Your lucky numbers this week are t, q, m, s, and h. Yep, you're lucky numbers are just as confused as you are.
Don't allow any Scorpios to handcuff you this week. If they offer, tell them you gave up handcuffing for lent.
This is a good week to consider finding a new companion. A DERF Gnome would be perfect for you. They're trained not to talk if they are more intelligent than their owner. Watch our CONTEST page for upcoming Gnome giveaways.
Your current relationship isn't going to work out, but go ahead and have their name tattooed on your stomach. It will be a classy touch.
Wonderful news! You are going to meet a nice new guy online who would like to take you on vacation! His name is Joran Van Der Sloot and he's paying for your one way ticket.
You are about to do your part to help stop global warming. You're going to testify before congress and show them those pit stains.
Did you hear that noise? Yes, you did. No one else heard it, but you definitely did. Does this make you insane? Yes.
You're going to make a huge impression this week. Your butt is going to make a sweaty, deep, permanent impression on your couch cushion.
At least you are alone by choice. Though, it is the choice of others.
Your dentist is becoming increasingly interested in sadism. Make sure you self-medicate before your next cleaning.
Your Mom is thinking of getting rid of your old baseball cards. She's not going to throw them out, she's going to sell them and use the profits to buy a pony.
The good news is someone is going to buy you a gift you will really need. The bad news is it is a book entitled, 50 Things to do While Under House Arrest.
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