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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, January 8th
When you hear a ticking clock, think of how each second of your life is an opportunity. You also might want to investigate where that ticking is coming from, you are not immune to bomb threats.
Take some time to find out more about yourself this week. Use the freedom of information act to request your FBI file.
You have the sensitive frailty of a tiny spring flower, and a similar IQ.
Venus and Mars will move to Scorpio and ask you to help. You’ll end up getting stuck with heavy stuff like dressers and the sofa, while they carry lamps. Politely decline
The stars are perfectly aligned for you to receive a fast food meal with 34% less bacteria than usual.
Blacktopping driveways will be a big part of your next career move. It won't be how you'll make your money, it will be something your boss will force you to do as a means of harassment.
Soaking your parakeet in motor oil to make him empathize with less fortunate wild birds who are victims of an oil spill was not a good idea. Showing him pictures on the intranet may have been a better option.
Keep on reaching for the stars. You're never going to actually touch them, or anything else of value. But for you, living life through simplistic cliche metaphors might be the best way to keep you from using meth again.
How many times do you think you could be punched in the stomach consecutively without throwing up or passing out? This is a question that is about to be answered.
You need to get in touch with your natural instincts, and learn to start ignoring them. They've only gotten you into trouble so far.
Pause to reflect on a sunset today, but make sure to get back home before it is fully dark. There are a half dozen people in your neighborhood dying to jump a sunset starer.
Don't hide dead Capricorns in your car trunk this week. You're going to need your spare tire when you get a flat while evading a bookie you still haven't paid from your losing Superbowl bets.