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Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Thursday, May 29th
You will soon be coming into some money. You'll find a five dollar bill on the street that a rich person just blew their nose into.
Your neighbors are not impressed that you bought a Segway to reduce your fuel costs. In fact they think you're gay now. You can reverse the gay reputation by chopping a pile of wood in your front yard this weekend. And sell the Segway.
The good news is, you're finally going to convince that special someone to come home with you. The bad news is, you've still got the New Kids on the Block sheets on your bed.
Spending your money on fine clothing, imported wine, and expensive cigars doesn't change the fact that you grew up in Norwood. You can never shake that. Save your money and let your inner Norwood shine through.
You have nothing to fear this week. Except bedbugs. Lots and lots of bedbugs. They are all hungry and they are the only creatures on the planet that find you delicious.
How long are you planning to leave that expired milk in the refrigerator? It is going to sprout legs and eat start eating the other food.
Your lucky numbers for the week are hidden in your supervisor's back hair. Search carefully, but search soon because there is a waxing in his future.
You are about to get some life changing advice from a man wearing a v-neck t-shirt. Your friends will then abandon you, because they don't want to hang out with someone who talks to dudes who wear v-neck t-shirts.
Watch for hidden messages in Brady Bunch reruns. The message will be hidden in Mike Brady's perm.
You will soon be on a game show. The host is going to mock you, the audience is going to laugh at you, and there will be no parting gifts.
Even if someone doesn't want help, give it to them anyway. Tell them their approach is novice and looks ridiculous. Be even more of an overbearing know-it-all than you already are. This will give you a confidence boost.
Your dentist will miss a few problems during your next visit. He enjoys the nitrous oxide even more than you do.