Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Wednesday, July 30th
A surprise visitor is going to greet you with wonderful news. However, the visitor is going to surprise you to the point that you'll pass out and not hear what they have to say.
If you have a friend that needs some harsh advice, don't take the risk of delivering it in person. Write them an anonymous note but make it look like a mutual friend's handwriting so they'll get blamed in case there are hard feelings.
Forever may seem like a long time, but it isn't as long as spending two minutes in an elevator with you.
How many times do you think you could be punched in the stomach consecutively without throwing up or passing out? This is a question that is about to be answered.
Don't give in to any fits of road rage this weekend. A better time for that would be next Tuesday...an excellent day for an occasional display of that handgun. This lets other motorists know you mean business.
Loved ones will soon be turning away from your cries for help. Try crying for help in a slightly deeper voice, the high pitch makes their skin crawl.
Get the feeling you and you're job are morphing into a single entity? This is why you smell like four-day old frying grease at Popeye's Chicken. How about a shower once in a while?
Your local weight watchers meeting should be avoided at all costs. They have pictures of you eating a corn dog on the wall that they use as a motivational tool.
Pause to reflect on a sunset today, but make sure to get back home before it is fully dark. There are a half dozen people in your neighborhood dying to jump a sunset starer.
The most awkward photos of you from junior high school are being used to create a new role-playing game in Denmark. It is called -- DerUberGeeker -- and follows the adventures of a homely street urchin.
Thinking about researching your family tree? Our advice is stay away from the Kentucky side of the tree. You might find that your spouse is really a sibling.
The expiration dates on your hair products are older than the expiration date on your hairstyle. Get a new cut and ditch those Kenny Chesney 1988 style faded jeans. They look ridiculous on Kenny Chesney and even worse on you.