I’d rather be a prisoner of your love
Location: Lebanon Correctional Institution
Heroes: Johnny Cash, G. Gordon Liddy, Dr. Richard Kimble
Hobbies: soap carvings, enjoying cakes from home, molding pillows and blankets into the shape of a sleeping person
Life’s Goal: to be under house arrest with my soulmate.
Profession: Locksmith (semi-retired)
I’ll just need to see your long-form birth certificate before our first date
Location: Union Twp.
Heroes: Ron and Rand Paul, George Bush (both), The Gipper (both)
Hobbies: current events, politics, genealogy
Life’s Goal: to prove the State of Hawaii wrong!
Profession: Guest editorialist (Fox News), cable news critic (all the rest)
Can you mend a broken heart…and fix my sink?
Location: Ft. Thomas
Heroes: Tim Allen, McGyver, Handy Manny
Hobbies: Cooking, decorating, uncluttering
Life’s Goal: CEO of Home Depot, or Lowe’s
I wanna bag me a new girlfriend
Location: Anderson Twp.
Heroes: Dane Cook, Johnny Knoxville, Criss Angel
Hobbies: Jigsaw puzzles, Jenga, Tetris
Life’s Goal: to have a life’s goal
Profession: Grocery organization engineer
Are you old enough to buy me alcohol?
Heroes: My older brother, Amy Winehouse, David Hasselhoff, Sam Adams, the foreign sounding dude in that one beer commercial.
Hobbies: Working on formula to put alcohol back into “near beer,” bouncing quarters off a various surfaces, multiple choice trivia.
Life’s Goal: To consume alcohol legally, reasonably and without fear of retribution.
Looking for a guy whose piercings won't catch on mine
Heroes: Christina Aguilera, Iron Man, Pierce Brosnan, President Franklin Pierce, Pinhead from Hellraiser
Hobbies: Looking for pointy metal things to stick in my body, looking for places to stick pointy metal things in my body, avoiding magnets.
Life’s Goal: To be ensconced in stainless steel
Profession: Club DJ