Email To Friends | |
Depressing & Uninspiring. Every Wednesday.
Send to friends to ruin their day too.
Thursday, June 13th
Pause to reflect on a sunset today, but make sure to get back home before it is fully dark. There are a half dozen people in your neighborhood dying to jump a sunset starer.
Having difficulty finding people to invest in your business idea? The business of organ harvesting is not for every investor. Don't give up. There's a market for healthy organs taken illegally from unsuspecting drunk guys staying at the Motel 6.
There are people in your life who love to see you fail miserably at everything you do. You've been making them really happy. Keep up the good work.
As Jupiter aligns with Saturn, so shall your stomach hang down on top of and align with your thighs every time you sit down.
You will be featured in a ShamWow infomercial, they will refer to you as the only mess a ShamWow can't clean up.
You are becoming overwhelmed by guilt. Father, turn yourself in to the Archdiocese.
The guy who keeps staring at you at the coffee shop thinks you sent him a nude photo in response to his ad on Craigslist. The staring will continue until you buy him a large mochachino as a gesture of good will.
You will soon be on a game show. The host is going to mock you, the audience is going to laugh at you, and there will be no parting gifts.
On the fence again? For you thats a more of a literal expression because you got wasted and passed out while climbing over a fence to take a shortcut home.
Use a civil tone when addressing your enemies this week, but go ahead and scream at your parents for no reason. They deserve it for making you into the empty shell that you are.
Don't give in to any fits of road rage this weekend. A better time for that would be next Tuesday...an excellent day for an occasional display of that handgun. This lets other motorists know you mean business.
Travel at this time is not recommended. The stars are not correctly aligned for it, and your parole officer is not going to approve it anyway.
Previous Weeks:Thursday, June 6th
Thursday, June 6th
Thursday, May 23rd