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Monday, April 6th - 1:00 PM-1:00 PM

Opening Day and Findlay Market Parade @ Cincinnati

DERF Happy Hour

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pet obituaries

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Sad pet tragedies reported Wednesdays.
Note for dumb people:  None of these animals actually died.  We just wrote their fake obituaries.  We don't hate
animals and we don't read stupid complaints. 

Loyal companion unable to avoid wood chipper

Yellow Lab,
Age 2 

A friendly game of fetch in the Wilson family yard ended in tragedy as the loving pet Chip chased a ball accidentally thrown into a wood chipper.

The 2 horsepower John Deere wood chipper made quick work of Chip's small frame making even Chip's dog collar, name tag, radio identity chip, and tennis ball unrecognizable.

Unable to separate Chip's remains from the wood chips, the Wilson family plans to distribute the wood chips around the house as originally intended in hopes the loving pet's remains may live on by serving as fertilizer for the planting beds around the property.


Furry friend unintended victim of mouse trap

Age 1

An unknown member of the Callahan family inadvertently left the beloved Germaine's cage open for several hours this week allowing the furry pet to escape. A nearby baited mousetrap awaited Germaine who unwittingly attempted to retrieve a fresh piece of bait cheese and was instantly killed in the trap.

Believing they had finally caught a pesky mouse, the Callahan's celebrated their success until realizing their companion Germaine was the victim of the trapping project. The bait cheese was fortunately left untouched and reuseable in the mousetrap.


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