Local Police confused and alarmed by government’s Donut Call list.
Confusing the government's "Do Not Call List" for a non-existent "Donut Call List" many Cincinnati Police Officers who depend on a steady supply of donuts from local bakeries are in a heightened state of alert. Panic gripped local law officials after District 1 Sergeant Theodore Jacobsen misinterpreted the wording of the "Do Not Call List" while reading the morning orders to the Officers. Jacobsen mistakenly explained to the entire District 1 Police Force that every Officer who wants a donut must apparently submit their name and donut preference to the government’s "Donut Call List". Disgruntled Officer Adam Haas immediately reacted by saying, "I don’t think the government should control the flow of donuts. The system was working fine the way it was. We were able to sit in Busken's all day and eat all the donuts we wanted. For those of us who risk our safety everyday I don't think that was too much to ask." Several owners of local bakeries have stated they will continue to support the thin blue line and hope the confusion clears up soon.
- Toyota closure, new Godzilla movie strike fear in NKY
- Oscar Meyer awarded Nobel Prize for meat extrusion
- Ousted GM CEO appointed top position at AIG
- Cincinnati Zoo sells Baby Giraffe naming rights to P&G
- Greenpeace invoices P&G for decorative flair costs
- Mayan credit card debt soars as end of the world nears