FRUIT OUTRAGE: Colombian terrorists celebrate lifetime supply of bananas

MEDELLIN, COLOMBIA – The U.S. Department of Justice uncovered last week a vast and corrupt banana trail leading from the Cincinnati based Chiquita corporation to a Colombian terrorist group. Investigators discovered the terrorists and their families basking in the luxury of what is estimated to be a lifetime supply of bananas received from Chiquita. A vast collection of cargo containers was revealed in reportedly the largest ever fruit-based terrorist payment scandal. Chiquita pled guilty to paying the Colombians and agreed to pay a penalty fine of $25 million this week. Despite video footage of banana containers being dropped from airplanes and smuggled across borders disguised as cocaine, the Colombians maintain they grew the bananas themselves and have always enjoyed the luxury of a grossly abundant supply of bananas. Officials were unable to confiscate the fruit contraband due to banana peel slip hazards intentially created by the Colombians all around the banana storage compound.