FRUIT OUTRAGE: Colombian terrorists celebrate lifetime supply of bananas
MEDELLIN, COLOMBIA – The U.S. Department of Justice uncovered last week a vast and corrupt banana trail leading from the Cincinnati based Chiquita corporation to a Colombian terrorist group. Investigators discovered the terrorists and their families basking in the luxury of what is estimated to be a lifetime supply of bananas received from Chiquita. A vast collection of cargo containers was revealed in reportedly the largest ever fruit-based terrorist payment scandal. Chiquita pled guilty to paying the Colombians and agreed to pay a penalty fine of $25 million this week. Despite video footage of banana containers being dropped from airplanes and smuggled across borders disguised as cocaine, the Colombians maintain they grew the bananas themselves and have always enjoyed the luxury of a grossly abundant supply of bananas. Officials were unable to confiscate the fruit contraband due to banana peel slip hazards intentially created by the Colombians all around the banana storage compound.
- Area teacher copes with plummeting self-esteem after failing to seduce student
- Convicted former Enron CEO announces plans to make convicted former Tyco CEO his bitch.
- Media examines how media has examined the examination of the media
- International Star Registry runs out of stars, launches International Grain of Sand Registry.
- Shares of Facebook stock available at Big Lots
- Authorities learn Lifelock CEO is imposter