UDF fruit juice slowly evaporating since 1994
CINCINNATI - Employees at the UDF store located on Colerain Avenue at Galbraith say juice from juice machine has never been purchased by a single customer since the machine was first installed in 1994. Employees say the machine is finally almost empty but this is due strictly to slow evaporation. Prior to ordering more juice, UDF executives say they plan to review the continued use of the product given the poor sales performance. Store Manager Mel Castle said, "I've been saying for years we should lower the price one of these days or maybe run a special to see if we can tempt a few people. There was one guy who wanted to buy a cup of juice back in 2002 but unfortunately the machine was down for repairs." Store maintenance records confirm the machine's pump malfunctioned in 2002 and was replaced by a UDF technician. No sales were possible during this 3 hour repair period. Reportedly, the machine has otherwise been very reliable. Employees say they have grown fond of the inobtrusive humming sound made by the machine as it recirculates the juice 24 hours a day.
- New Jesus statue stuck in Wapakoneta McDonald’s drive thru en route to Monroe
- Corpse found wrapped in KEEP CINCINNATI BEAUTIFUL banner
- Fountain Square video screen to begin showing gunfire instant replay
- Area vagrants devastated by pet food tainting
- Workers seek new ways to waste time after NCAA tournament ends
- Charlie Rose Show ratings unchanged when network accidentally airs footage of empty set.