Miami University offers self-tanning curriculum
OXFORD, OH - Following the examples of several schools around the country, Miami University has instituted self-tanning as a field of study. The University plans to become a world leader in self-tanning academia.
Even before the decision was made to add self-tanning curriculum, Miami has been known for a well bronzed student body, seemingly year round. “We’ve been telling people we’re the Harvard of the Midwest for a long time now,” proclaimed University Trustee Dr. Richard Herzog. “Maybe now we can try calling ourselves the UCLA of the Midwest or the Florida State of the Midwest or perhaps the Miami of the Midwest. That just might stick.”
The self-tanning study program will be an intense look at all forms of artificial tans, with particular areas of concentration in gels, lotions, powders and aerosols. There have been no decisions made on hiring staff, but it is expected that the new department will be taught by experts from the world of cosmetology as well as adjunct professors of bronzer from the Home Shopping Network.
To celebrate the new program, Miami is considering changing the school color to orange. There have also been rumors that upcoming commencement addresses will be delivered by guest speaker George Hamilton.
- Fake Timex watches more expensive and higher quality than real Timex.
- Oscar Meyer awarded Nobel Prize for meat extrusion
- New Pope taking leave of absence to launch new blog at SXSW
- Kmart closings leave thousands of filthy, uncooperative employees jobless
- Faulty Boeing 787s retrofitted for Cincinnati Streetcar duty
- Cincinnati hookers offered makeovers by Horseshoe Casino