Internet eliminates third shift to reduce costs
INTERNET HEADQUARTERS – Representatives of the internet announced this week the worldwide web will close down its lagging 11pm-7am shift as the first of several cost reduction measures.
“Supporting such a massive infrastructure during sleeping hours didn’t make financial sense. Our data shows hardly anyone uses the internet during this time.” Said internet spokesperson, David Powell.
Officials say the plan is to close the internet building each night at 11pm and allow all of the internet workers to go home until the morning. People who try to log on to the internet will see a screen message that says, “Closed for the evening. Please come back at 7am.”
A press release from internet headquarters announced further possible cost reductions including reduced holiday hours and the elimination of lunchtime hours.
- McRib's return bolsters US sodium content by 500%
- FRUIT OUTRAGE: Colombian terrorists celebrate lifetime supply of bananas
- America's ice sculptures melting at alarming rate
- Verizon unlimited family sexting plan successful in Kentucky
- In Memory of Dave Thomas, Wendy’s Announces All Chili Servings Will Be Sprinkled With a Pinch of Dave’s Remains… While Supplies Last.
- Cincinnati Bell conference call loses connection during Verizon sale talks