Big Bird Flu ravages large bird puppet community.
The World Health Organization issued an epidemic flu warning to large bird puppets this week. The Big Bird Flu virus is spreading rapidly within the large bird puppet community which includes mostly entertainment puppets and popular sports mascots. Currently in quarantine and under close watch are several prominent large bird puppets including Big Bird, the Atlanta Hawks mascot, and the Philadelphia Eagles mascot. Many college and high school mascots around the country are also being monitored closely. The virus vaccination, which comes in the form of an oversized colorful Nerf syringe, is now available but officials urge large bird puppets to visit vaccination centers during non-peak hours to avoid long lines and unnecessary conflict between rival puppets.
- Horse defeated by Chad Johnson delivers self to glue factory
- Kim Kardashian wedding gifts donated to less fortunate attention whores
- Santa cracks down on Elf workplace tweeting
- Roger Clemens appears with Oprah to admit he is ready to forgive Lance Armstrong
- Jay-Z to purchase retailer J.C. Penney
- Miley Cyrus practices Oscar appearance by shooting heroin