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DERF Happy Hour
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Big Bird Flu ravages large bird puppet community.
The World Health Organization issued an epidemic flu warning to large bird puppets this week. The Big Bird Flu virus is spreading rapidly within the large bird puppet community which includes mostly entertainment puppets and popular sports mascots. Currently in quarantine and under close watch are several prominent large bird puppets including Big Bird, the Atlanta Hawks mascot, and the Philadelphia Eagles mascot. Many college and high school mascots around the country are also being monitored closely. The virus vaccination, which comes in the form of an oversized colorful Nerf syringe, is now available but officials urge large bird puppets to visit vaccination centers during non-peak hours to avoid long lines and unnecessary conflict between rival puppets.
Heroic Eden Park resident frees captive butterflies from Krohn Conservatory
MTV's Jersey Shore star Ronnie passes miraculous kidney stone that closely resembles Snooki
Tension mounts as Angelina Jolie attempts to adopt Kim Jong-un
James Van Der Beek feels cold reality of another year without an Academy Award
Ted Nugent puts Downton Abbey DVRs on hold to attend State of the Union
- Royal family begins plans to kill Kate Middleton via fake paparazzi chase
- Lack of Oprah and Casey Anthony on TV drives housewives to alcoholism
- Bobby Brown lowers flags to half staff after running out of blow
- Scheduling lunch a futile struggle for chums Ronald Reagan and Charleton Heston
- Mel Gibson loses half of swastika collection in divorce
- Anderson Cooper struggles to make death of Bin Laden story more about himself





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