Susan Boyle's eyebrows sign separate record deal
BLACKBURN, SCOTLAND - Susan Boyle's eyebrows, who recently captured the world's attention on the British television show "Britain's Got Talent", have signed a lucrative record deal with U.S. music giant Interscope Records.
Interscope executives say they believe the world will see the Boyle eyebrows as bushier Scottish versions of the beloved Mary Kate and Ashley. The Interscope contract reportedly stipulates both eyebrows must be removed from Ms. Boyle to allow for a separate appearance schedule. Recording sessions are already planned for the eyebrows and a worldwide tour schedule is currently in development.
From her home in Blackburn Scotland, Ms. Boyle commented, “I am very happy for both of my eyebrows, Margaret and Caroline. In some ways this will be difficult because I am very attached to both of them. I am sure the separation will be painful at first.”
When asked if she plans to grow a new set of eyebrows the singer said, “Of course I could never completely replace Margaret and Caroline. But my publicist and agent say I should grow two smaller versions so I can pay homage to Margaret and Caroline without making them feel they have been replaced.”
- Obama holds jackass summit with Kanye West and Serena Williams
- Canada hopes to be on TV again sometime soon
- NASA celebrates 40th anniversary of faking moon landing
- Paula Deen adopts St. Bernard puppy, offers bid to buy Cincinnati Reds
- Royal family begins plans to kill Kate Middleton via fake paparazzi chase
- Miley Cyrus practices Oscar appearance by shooting heroin