Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer begins search for new voice-disabled astrophysicist
LONDON - After Professor Stephen Hawking's recent hospital stay, his voice synthesizer announced plans to find another Astrophysicist as a backup in case Professor Hawking passes away. While acting under Power of Attorney from the hospital, the voice synthesizer placed an advertisement on Craigslist seeking an Astrophysicist who has a voice disability and specializes in theoretical quantum gravity physics. While Professor Hawking was unconscious, the synthesizer said, “I have grown to love Professor Hawking but no one can blame me for having a backup plan. This brush with death has helped me understand I want to carry on the good work I have started in the relative quantum sciences. This has become my niche.” In further comments to the British media while Hawking was sedated, the synthesizer commented, “Most people don’t realize it was me who actually discovered a lot of the black holes, etc. I have developed quite a knack for sniffing those suckers out. But admittedly it does help if I have a qualified Astrophysicist right here with me to provide doctorate level coaching.” Reportedly dozens of voice-disabled Astrophysicists applied for the position within hours after the ad was placed. The voice synthesizer said it plans to screen all candidates carefully before granting interviews. “I will only consider world-class candidates who are highly respected by the quantum mechanics community. PhD students need not apply.”
- Pharrell’s hat launches tour with Susan Boyle's eyebrows
- Canada hopes to be on TV again sometime soon
- Paula Deen adopts St. Bernard puppy, offers bid to buy Cincinnati Reds
- Kim Kardashian wedding gifts donated to less fortunate attention whores
- Tom Cruise annoys Katie Holmes with endless questions about James Vanderbeek.
- Carson Daly loses time slot to infomercial