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Michael Jackson 92% recyclable
LOS ANGELES – The LA County Coroner released autopsy results this week indicating Michael Jackson’s body is composed of 92% post-consumer goods. Throughout the iconic singer’s life, numerous plastic surgery procedures have replaced 92% of the human tissue with recyclable materials.
The Coroner’s office reportedly returned to the Jackson Family over 100 pounds of plastic, nylon, and silicone to the which was then placed in a curbside recycling bin outside Jackson’s Bel Air residence.
Neighbors reported seeing Joan Rivers sorting through the recyclable components and may have left with a chin implant and a pair of cheek implants.
Heroic Eden Park resident frees captive butterflies from Krohn Conservatory
MTV's Jersey Shore star Ronnie passes miraculous kidney stone that closely resembles Snooki
Tension mounts as Angelina Jolie attempts to adopt Kim Jong-un
James Van Der Beek feels cold reality of another year without an Academy Award
Ted Nugent puts Downton Abbey DVRs on hold to attend State of the Union
- Local man divorces wife to avoid seeing ‘New Moon’
- Obama holds jackass summit with Kanye West and Serena Williams
- Andy Rooney’s family begs him to return to work
- Scheduling lunch a futile struggle for chums Ronald Reagan and Charleton Heston
- "I have an extra ticket to REO Speedwagon at Riverbend" least successful Cincinnati pickup line
- Anderson Cooper outs self in hopes of getting free tickets to Magic Mike





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