Janet Jackson’s breasts mourn privately during memorial service
LOS ANGELES - In a humble tribute to the deceased King of Pop, Janet Jackson’s breasts did not make an appearance. Ms. Jackson’s breasts remained unexposed throughout the entire Michael Jackson memorial service.
Since their surprise appearance at the 2004 Super Bowl, Ms. Jackson’s breasts have led a reclusive life protected by several layers of reinforced clothing.
As an added measure of security during the memorial service, the Jackson family security team ensured Justin Timberlake maintained a safe distance from Janet during her performance.
Janet’s breasts issued a statement thanking everyone for their support during this difficult time. They will be spending the next few weeks grieving with LaToya and Tito’s breasts.
- Gamblers have Shadow Hare at 3-1 odds as mystery witness in Widmer trial
- Distraught citizens cope with loss of Derek Beasley through heartfelt poetry
- Anderson Cooper struggles to make death of Bin Laden story more about himself
- Obama holds jackass summit with Kanye West and Serena Williams
- I'm just like Eminem!... Except my parents were rich and went to Harvard..
- Fifth Third Loan Officer Thinks “To Catch a Predator” Is Really, Really Stupid