Leno pledges to deliver mediocrity in any time spot
BURBANK, CA - With the future of NBC’s late night schedule in turmoil, Jay Leno has delivered a firm resolution to deliver mediocre programming whenever his show is aired. The former Tonight Show host has promised the network and viewers that any show bearing his name can always be counted on to be solidly unremarkable.
Leno did not go into detail on how he planned to deliver yet another season of pedestrian entertainment, but stated that it is easy for him. “Telling old, worn out, and unoriginal jokes runs through my veins.”
Mr. Leno’s humorless sidekick Kevin Eubanks has announced he is also committed to more mediocrity for years to come. “I guess my fake laugh is as good as anyone’s. If Jay ever says anything that is actually funny, I may or may not be ready for it but in the meantime I am proud to be part of such a prominent waste of airtime.”
Mr. Leno also stated, “Did I mention that I like cars? I plan on pointing this out on my show,” said Leno. “Also, I don’t want to give too much away, but I think I’ll also be pointing out that Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and former President Clinton was a bit of a horn dog too.”
Leno’s fans appear ready to make the adjustment. Leno viewer Charlotte Harkin looks forward to watching the show, whenever it airs. “He’s the perfect guy to watch while I’m settling down for bed. As far as I can tell he has never told a funny joke so he makes it easy to fall asleep.”
NBC programming officials were thrilled with the pledge from their favorite late night entertainer and look forward to his later time spot. “We think that Jay may not have been the right fit for prime time,” explained NBC president Angela Braumsted. “Many of his viewers spend the 10 o’clock hour taking their pills and attempting to have a bowel movement. But, an hour or so later, they’re ready to wind down and take in Jay’s special brand of uninspired entertainment.”
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