Oprah steps up hurricane relief with three state purchase.
CHICAGO, IL - Oprah Winfrey signed a purchase agreement this week with the US Government giving her complete ownership of the three state region including Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. The popular Talk Show Host sought ownership of the storm torn area as a means of directly managing all Hurricane Katrina relief efforts.
Dubbed by the media as the Harpo Gulf, the area has already benefited at the mere prospect of an association with the beloved celebrity. Much of the water receded and electrical power has returned this week simply from the announcement of the completed purchase. Also, crime has subsided and looting has ceased in response to Oprah's presence.
George W. Bush has expressed confidence in Oprah's abilities and has promised to check on her progress while on a five week vacation at his Texas ranch beginning next week
- Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer begins search for new voice-disabled astrophysicist
- Andy Rooney’s family begs him to return to work
- George Takei promises to be greatest gay Japanese Oktoberfest Grand Marshall in world history
- Pamela Anderson STD catches own STD
- Jessica Simpson's baby born during eighteenth trimester of pregnancy
- Chad Johnson refrains from booty pats during jail term