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February 2008
Local man sets record low in charity date auction
September 2007
KATIE VS. MEN: People who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones
Couple hires Personal Shoplifter
KATIE VS. MEN: How to tell if he’s one of the good guys
August 2007
KATIE VS. MEN: What Really Turns a Guy On?
EDITORIAL: It ain’t easy being a sex symbol in this town
KATIE VS. MEN: Are We Forgetting Our Bedroom Manners?
July 2007
KATIE VS. MEN: Are random, bad hook-ups worse than no hook-ups?
KATIE Vs. MEN: What’s Your Deal-Breaker?
Sometimes I can dance exactly like Justin Timberlake without even trying
Woman Dumps Boyfriend via Powerpoint Presentation
UPLIFTING COMMUNITY MOMENT: Back of the house employees allowed to meet front of the house employees at upscale restaurant
KATIE VS. MEN: Is it okay to ask a guy out?
June 2007
Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?
Got bedroom skills?
EDITORIAL - Let’s review the 27 ways I bring it
May 2007
KATIE VS. MEN - Ménage a Trois?
EDITORIAL: It’s no secret that I'm pretty much the Tony Soprano of the Kenwood/Madeira area
KATIE VS. MEN: Which Men are Better? 20-somethings or 30-somethings?
DERF EDITORIAL - That song Promiscuous Girl totally reminds me of my Mom
April 2007
EDITORIAL: I am freakishly confident every sentence below will exceed your expectations.
KATIE VS. MEN: Male-Female Friends…Really?
Church step climbers disappointed by Purple People Bridge ads
EDITORIAL: I'm about to unleash a ringtone on my friends that will rock their world
March 2007
EDITORIAL: When a friend asks me to watch their drink in the bar I really watch it.
Irish Americans argue DUI laws culturally biased
Derf writers agree only the most maladjusted, immature, and dysfunctional people will enjoy this article
11% of Cincinnati teachers can read.
The beer line at this year's Spring Fling party stretched all the way to Ault Park
February 2007
Valentine's Day cookies cause fatal cardiac arrest.
Clay Aiken's music turns iPod gay
Deer decoy badly damaged in crash that caused death of elderly couple.
December 2006
Oakley man marries Golden Tee video game.
November 2006
Drunk drivers thank Enquirer for posting Friday checkpoints
Gay man admits to being a Congressman
October 2006
Area woman announces plans for all that junk, all that junk inside her trunk.
Newport family reunion convenient opportunity for drug intervention.
Drivers insulted by lower than actual speed readings.
Study indicates car accidents leading cause of dropped cell phone calls.
Norwood neighborhood block party cancelled due to lack of neighborhood.
July 2006
Alarming number of Cincinnatians find breathing easier during smog alerts.
June 2006
Disgruntled fraternity guy publishes secret handshake on internet.
May 2006
Uglier daughter never included in family pictures.
Son diligently prepares to take over family Sno Castle empire
Mt. Lookout resident Brett Schadler unable to attend next Derf Happy Hour due to hair appointment
Detroit looters inconvenienced by power outage.
God Appeared at Crossroads Community Church hoping it was still a hardware store.
Ham radio hobbyist depressed to learn his lifelong radio friend in Norway really lives in Norwood.
April 2006
Boss gets strange looks after telling workers he is in love with them
No Surprise - Report Says Drunks At Teller's Slightly More Polite Than Drunks At Arthur's.
Tragedy - Randy Beattie of Kiwanis International Misplaces I.D. Badge
Boy finally informs parents he is adopted.
Ohio's oldest alter boy, age 57, regrets trying to seduce 22 year-old Priest
Tragic mixup - Area woman asks for Botox but receives buttocks
DerfMagazine proven to cause more adult-bedwetting and high-pressure vomiting than other websites.
Amazon.com ironically not catching on amongst people of the Amazon.
Neighbors oppose Moeller High School plans for new sports stadium.
Tsunami epicenter discovered inside Donald Trump's combover.
If I were a woman back in the old cowboy days I think I would have been a pretty good hooker.
Coworkers tired of guy who boasts about memorizing US airport codes
Epcot's Iraq exhibit not yet safe for visitors
Local man coping with humiliation from poor Evite response.
Drunk residents of Brookstone apartments report Virgin Mary apparition in that electrical thing across the street.
Where were you when the Brickyard closed?
Gay newlyweds feel trapped in life sentence of unbearable and passionless boredom.
Fireman uses Jaws of Life to trap Mother-in-law in car.
Man removes own appendix to avoid losing place in airport security line.
Inattentive husband develops sneaking suspicion he\'s divorced
Three apartment units reported missing at the Octagon Apartment building.
March 2006
Semi-popular generic chain restaurant replaced by more popular generic chain restaurant
Colony devastated in ant farm landslide.
Man proud to be the guy who hands you a paper towel in the nightclub bathroom so you don't have to go to all the trouble of getting one from the dispenser yourself.
New Pope's Things To Do List
Non-salesman actually purchases Ford Taurus
Subtitled movie thoughtlessly shown during illiteracy conference.
Ohio River tests positive for water.
Woman pretends to be offended by date’s over-willingness to divulge impressive income level
Toenail fungus commercial soon to be cute children's cartoon.
Tragic loss - Billy Graham shot by Cincinnati Police Officer
Smiley Face admits long-term use of anti-depressant medications.
February 2006
DERF TRIVIA: What time did the clock stop at the corner of Edwards and Madison?
Buddy Helgenberger's closet chosen as site for Norwood's first public library .
Red Cross worker wishes tornado victims would quit whining
Dyslexic man performs Heimlich Maneuver backwards.
Local high school dropouts planning 10 year reunion of dropping out.
Disgruntled fraternity guy publishes secret handshake on internet.
A cable channel that only airs episodes of Walker Texas Ranger would probably be really popular
Jiffy Lube expands car consultation to include comprehensive lifestyle counseling
Introducing the award-winning Derf Happy Hour Doorman, Scooter Wellington.
Family growing weary of Dad’s obsession with sarcasm
To improve view, Cincinnati plans giant mirror on banks of Ohio River.
Marchers in Secretly Gay Parade disappointed that everyone knows they're gay now.
Tragic loss - Billy Graham shot by Cincinnati Police Officer
Local family plans annual Christmas tree hunting trip to Drug Emporium.
Alarming number of Cincinnatians find breathing easier during smog alerts.
LOCAL TRAGEDY: Madeira High School Spaghetti Dinner cancelled due to devastating snow storm.
STUDY RELEASED: 100% of U.S. New Year’s resolutions broken early New Year’s Day.
Local Tragedy: Febreze tanker leaks in Mt. Lookout.
Man longs to be with friend Jessie's girlfriend.
Cincinnati public schools report math scores lower by like around 10% which is more or less about the same as around 10 out of every 100 or so.
All-Corian® house soon to be unveiled in Suburbs.
Man still never featured in DerfMagazine.com.
Club Clau more profitable as crack house.
Local man gets his freak on
Kidnapper taken from his home by other kidnapper
Family fed up with Dad's habit of recapping bathroom events
Cincinnati Public School student showed up this week.
To improve view, Cincinnati plans giant mirror on banks of Ohio River.
Tragic mixup - Area woman asks for Botox but receives buttocks
January 2006
Ohio's oldest alter boy, age 57, regrets seducing 22 year-old Priest
October 2005
Local high school dropouts planning 10 year reunion of dropping out.
September 2005
Tragedy - Randy Beattie of Kiwanis International Misplaces I.D. Badge
Possum booth draws crowds at N. Kentucky's Oktoberfest
August 2005
America’s Migrant workers embrace 'Leave Your Child at Home Day'.
Jiffy Lube expands car consultation to include comprehensive lifestyle couseling
May 2005
Red Cross worker wishes tornado victims would quit whining
April 2005
Billions of Cicadas burrow eastward to avoid making debut on west side.
March 2005
DerfMagazine proven to cause more adult-bedwetting and high-pressure vomiting than other websites.
February 2005
Amazon.com ironically not catching on amongst people of the Amazon.
January 2005
A cable channel that only airs episodes of Walker Texas Ranger would probably be really popular
September 2004
Marchers in Secretly Gay Parade disappointed that everyone knows they're gay now.
December 2003
Local family plans annual Christmas tree hunting trip to Drug Emporium.
April 2003
US Air Force mistakenly drops two million Derf Happy Hour invitations over Iraq.
September 2002
Introducing the award-winning Derf Happy Hour Doorman, Scooter Wellington
August 2002
No Surprise - Report Says Drunks At Teller's Slightly More Polite Than Drunks At Arthur's.
March 0200
UDF employee hypnotized by constant hot dog rotation.
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