Red Cross worker wishes tornado victims would quit whining
As tornadoes swept through the Midwest this year leaving a typical path of destruction and devastation, Red Cross worker Steve Gilmore was there to help. However, after spending months at a time helping devastated homeowners sort through the rubble, Gilmore admittedly grew tired of all the whining. In one particularly poignant moment, a distressed woman wept over the loss of her family’s home but Gilmore rolled his eyes and commented, "These people all act in the same predictable way...like they're the first family this ever happened to. Mom cries helplessly while clutching the cracked picture frame. The kids dart around in a futile search for the missing Golden Retriever. Dad moans about losing everything he has worked so hard for…blah, blah, blah. It's ridiculous. This job would be so much more satisfying if it wasn't for all this melodrama."
- Norwood neighborhood block party cancelled due to lack of neighborhood.
- Area hipster loses track of which clothing items are ironic
- OTR to develop new ‘Epic Beard District’
- Tragedy - Randy Beattie of Kiwanis International Misplaces I.D. Badge
- Dyslexic man performs Heimlich Maneuver backwards.
- Local man probably has best body at Deer Cross Apartments pool