New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Taste of Ludlow Kentucky features 200 varieties of edible meth
- Kidnapper taken from his home by other kidnapper
- Men begin faking illness in anticipation of new Twilight movie
- Starbucks employee never makes new pot of coffee in break room
- Disgruntled fraternity guy publishes secret handshake on internet.
- Amazon.com ironically not catching on amongst people of the Amazon.