New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Children get Santa's attention with Powerpoint
- Man proud to be the guy who hands you a paper towel in the nightclub bathroom so you don't have to go to all the trouble of getting one from the dispenser yourself.
- Aftertaste of Blue Ash lasting longer than expected
- Kidnapper taken from his home by other kidnapper
- Cincinnati Zoo worker found trapped inside Festival of Lights storage facility
- STUDY: Majority of high school students stoned during candlelight vigils