New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Norwood celebrates 100 consecutive stabbing-free days
- Mexican brothels now safer than pig farms
- Irish Americans argue DUI laws culturally biased
- Area teachers forced to sign contract banning birth control while sleeping with students
- Billions of Cicadas burrow eastward to avoid making debut on west side.
- Local family plans annual Christmas tree hunting trip to Drug Emporium.