New Pope's Things To Do List
1. Take a nap.
2. Send thank you card to Campaign
3. Visit BMV and get Popemobile
registered to Joe Ratzinger.
4. Place order for official Pope hat.
5. Vow to crush Islam
6. Develop own line of Potpourri
7. Quickly look up definition of the word
8. Fire several Cardinals to establish
9. See about getting Onstar on
10. Consider Mark Burnett's offer for Pope
- Deer decoy damaged in crash that caused death of pedestrian
- Cincinnati Zoo objects to neighboring 'Festival of Crack Pipes'
- Woman works day job to put herself through stripper school
- Mystery witness from Widmer trial now claims to have information on Hyde Park goat head case
- Northside S.W.A.T. standoff ends in fabulous S.W.A.T. dance off
- Escaped circus monkey revealed to be former News 5 Anchor Jack Atherton