Religious services held between church festivals
CINCINNATI, OH - Area residents were shocked recently after arriving at local churches expecting a festival but instead finding that Sunday Mass services in progress.
Local clergy realized that holding Mass between festivals may be a bit confusing for residents of Cincinnati. Father Sean O’Brian of St. Margaret explained, “People finally seem to understand what’s going on after a while. We try to slowly assimilate the crowds by using funnel cake scented incense within the chapel. We also allowed alcohol and gambling in all areas other than the altar and we turned the holy water basin into a duck pond game.
Local festival goer Derek Freeman eventually caught on, “I knew something was up when I saw the parking lot wasn’t all that full,” he said. “I’m glad my old lady explained it to me before I tried to play ring toss on those memorial candles.”
Other local churches are also finding ways to combine the huge popularity of festivals with their religious services. Ideas include replacing communion wine with draft beer, making the collection plate interactive with pull-tabs, and replacing the sermon with a group discussion on where everyone went to high school.
- Man proud to be the guy who hands you a paper towel in the nightclub bathroom so you don't have to go to all the trouble of getting one from the dispenser yourself.
- DerfMagazine proven to cause more adult-bedwetting and high-pressure vomiting than other websites.
- Colerain Mom says search for missing teen can stop already
- OTR Violence: Hipsters get into hair-pulling fight over favorite craft beer
- America’s Migrant workers embrace 'Leave Your Child at Home Day'.
- STUDY RELEASED: 100% of U.S. new year’s resolutions broken by mid-morning on New Year's Day.