our breathtaking newsletter

Weekly gloriousness sent to your inbox.

Drop your email address here»

Featured Local Event         full calendar»

Saturday, June 23rd - 7:30 AM-12:00 AM

Hyde Park Blast @ Hyde Park Square

DERF Happy Hour

Keep checking back here to find out where the next DERF Happy Hour will be!

politics News
  • Comments
  • politics home
  • Related Stories
  • Email To Friend

Capital of Zimbabwe unaware it had sister city

HARARE, ZIMBABWE - Mayor Mark Mallory last week suspended Cincinnati's sister city relationship with Zimbabwe's capital, Harare - in protest against the murders, torture, rapes, and destruction of homes that preceded the recent election.  Mallory notified Zimbabwe leaders in a letter saying, "I cannot, in good conscience, allow our relationship to continue when events in Zimbabwe have been violating the central principles of the Sister Cities tradition."

In a brief telephone interview, Zimbabwe President Jacobim Mugatu responded to Mallory's letter from a protected underground government bunker, "What is Cincinnati?  I was unaware of any sister city.    More importantly my country is collapsing under the weight of economic mismanagement resulting in 85% unemployment and hyperinflation.  I must concern myself with ending the mass murders and systematic torture of my people.  Perhaps then I can learn of this Cincinnati and Mr. Mallory."  The interview ended abruptly as the sound of heavy gunfire was heard across the phone line.  President Mugatu was not available for further comment.