Barney Frank unable to concentrate during Brad Pitt visit to Capitol Hill
WASHINGTON, DC - After Brad Pitt's visit to Capitol Hill, members of Congress praised his charity and efforts to rebuild New Orleans. But the visit had the unintended consequence of overwhelming Congressman Barney Frank's mind.
Congressman Frank's strange behavior began when he was informed that Brad Pitt was in the Capitol building. He excused himself from a committee meeting and rushed to his office and later emerged wearing a pair of chaps and an excessive amount of cologne. His aides were able to forcibly bring him back into the office to change.
Later, Frank had an opportunity to meet Pitt and talk about the rebuilding of New Orleans' 9th ward. Frank was dreamy eyed and silent while Pitt spoke, and said, "You know, my garden also needs some rebuilding. It's hot, sweaty work so maybe we can take our shirts off and do it together?"
Days after Pitt's visit, sources report Frank is still consumed with thoughts of Brad. Responding to a question on the house floor about the stimulus bill, he replied, "I would like it read into the congressional record that I've met an angel on earth. I'm not going to say his name but let's just say his initials are the same as a major petroleum company."
Congressman Frank has also introduced several pieces of legislation about his obsession. One bill demands Congress to fund sequels of Fight Club, and Ocean's 11, 12, and 13 starring only Brad Pitt. Another bill proposes Brad Pitt's birthday a national holiday. A third bill suggests a federal mandate that Angelina Jolie be deported.
- City offers Mayor Mallory streetcar tokens in lieu of car allowance
- After Firemen and Coal Miners, CNN rolls out plans to upgrade more occupations to hero status
- U.S. Media exhausted from grueling task of dictating Presidential election outcome
- Greeks continue protest by not breaking dishes
- Cincinnati seeks transportation funds for OTR piggyback rides
- Bitter over lack of endorsement bonanza, Olympic Curling champion switches to bowling.